How to Know Your Team Won't Last in the NCAA Tournament

It's easy spotting the teams ready and able to make a long run in the Big Dance-winning streaks, big-name coaches and jerseys reading 'Duke' and 'UCLA' are usually some of the good omens. Here's how to tell when NOT to count on your school to cut down any nets this year:

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. They've given up on the man-to-man and 2-3 defenses and are now completely reliant on the 1-1-1-1-1 zone.

2. Their team mascot is The Matadors.

3. Instead of aiming for the 'final four', 'elite eight' or even the 'sweet sixteen', the head coach keeps speaking ambitiously about making the 'thoughtful thirty-two'.

4. The starting 6-1 center has no hops.

5. The starting point guard is nicknamed Apple-due to all the 'turnovers'.

6. The school qualifies for the Big Dance on a technicality-when the top eight teams in their conference fall victim to a tragic disaster at the conference tournament.

7. Team weaknesses: Rebounding, defense, shooting. Strengths: Uncontested Lay-ups.

Tips & Warnings

• Take solace in the fact that your team's probably happy just to be there-well until they lose the opening game by 43 points, that is.

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