How to Declare Opposite Day

Opposite Day is also known as Backwards Day, Upside-Down Day, Topsy-Turvy Day, or (if you're a mathematician) Inverse Function Day. It's one of those wacky occasions that doesn't need much of an excuse. Whether you're desperate to distract your kids on a cold, rainy day or just want to inject some much-needed frisson into your relationship, follow these rules to make your Opposite Day one to remember.

Instructions

1. Be creative! Rather than boringly announcing "Opposite Day!" first thing in the morning-which is completely not in the Opposite Day spirit-withhold your declaration until you've done something so jaw-droppingly stupid that it could be the only possible excuse. For example, crying "Opposite Day!" as you dump a steaming bowl of oatmeal on your head will stamp itself indelibly in your kids' memories.

2. Aim to confuse. "It's Opposite Day, honey. I love you...NOT!" This simple declaration will leave your companion tied in knots as she tries to figure out whether the opposite part applies to the "I love you," the "not," or either or both in or out of sequence. (She may also be wondering what kind of guy goes around declaring Opposite Day when there are no kids around, but that's the risk you take with this sort of thing.)

3. Don't be too literal. There's an episode of "SpongeBob SquarePants" in which Patrick Star celebrates Opposite Day by not breathing, to which SpongeBob says, "Not THAT opposite!" By the same token, if you declare Opposite Day on a weekday, it's NOT okay to go to work dressed in your pajamas (unless your company has declared its own Opposite Day, in which case you have bigger problems than your sense of style).

4. Have fun with meals. When you're a kid, nothing imparts the spirit of Opposite Day like having dessert before the main course, hamburgers for breakfast, and pancakes for dinner. (The opposite of lunch is a conundrum that has baffled gastronomists for centuries). Plan out your menu in advance, and whatever you do, don't go too far in the opposite direction by letting your kids just eat candy all day.

5. Know how to end the festivities. The hardest part of Opposite Day is ending it-not because everyone is tired of the joke, but because crying "Opposite Day is over!" creates an instant paradox. If Opposite Day isn't over until you say Opposite Day is over, aren't you saying Opposite Day is still going on? There are some families that have been stuck in "opposite" mode for years, and it's not a pretty picture. A simple "Enough!" should do the trick just fine.