How to Tell Whether You’re Ready for Parenthood

Parenthood is more than “add kid and stir”; it is a lifestyle choice, a paradigm shift and a shock to the system. Choosing children when you’re ready (by birth, adoption, marriage or fostering), is far better than sinking or swimming once they arrive. Follow these steps to tell whether you’re ready for parenthood:

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Saturday nights have lost their allure; if going out on the town is getting old, this is a good time for potential parenthood. Mourning your lost nightlife makes an unhappy mom or dad, so satisfaction with staying home is an excellent sign.
2. Your cleaning standards have slipped; if your picture-perfect home has dissolved into friendly clutter, your nest may be ready for an addition.
3. You enjoy driving; transportation is an essential part of modern parenting. Making peace with a driving lifestyle is important before diving into the deep end of the carpool.
4. You find repetitive motion meditative; rocking babies, changing diapers, folding laundry, checking backpacks—they can be ordeals, or merely zen moments in a busy life.
5. Money is not a marital issue; having just enough, or absolutely wallowing in the stuff isn’t as important as being at peace with where you are financially and simpatico on spending, so that adding a child doesn’t bring up constant comments like “Where has all the money gone?”, “I thought we were saving for Harvard” and “Did you really spend $300 for a stroller?”
6. Physical perfection has become passé; while fitness is important for long-term health, having lost the urge for the body beautiful is a good sign for adding children. As we age, perfection takes longer and longer; while children age, they suck more and more of our time and energy. Raising kids and physical perfection don’t go hand-in-hand for long.
7. Sleep-deprivation doesn’t make you a monster; lack of sleep is hard on everyone, but the maturity to maintain your cool, even when your eyes are ringed, your feet are dragging and you’d love to nap where you stand, makes you a perfect candidate for kids.

Tips & Warnings

• Acquire a car you love to drive before having kids, when possible. Get one with lots of room for the detritus of children and scholastically proud bumper stickers.
• Hiring full-time nannies can make physical maintenance a breeze, but may put a strain on the maternal or paternal relationship. When your child calls the nanny “Mommy” you know you’ve spent too much time on the treadmill.
• Abandoning health codes and becoming condemned is going too far in lowering standards; while kids require mess and dirt, they also require a reasonably safe environment. And so do you.
• Sleep-deprivation is dangerous in large amounts, causing psychotic breaks, imaginary voices and excessive weight gain. When choosing children, have a plan to make sleep a priority if at all possible—missing out on popular culture, television and sex is a small price to pay for rational behavior.
• Choosing children is never an entirely rational act, no matter the preparation. Only you know when you're ready.