How to Rationalize Getting a Purebred Dog

With all the lovable mutts filling animal shelters across the nation, it can seem selfish and irrational to get a purebred dog—to everyone else, if not to you. You know you’ve always wanted a Great Dane, a Cavalier King Charles Spaniel or a Puli, why should you have to explain your desire? Social acceptance, that’s why. Follow these steps to rationalize getting a purebred dog and appease your critics, while getting the dog of your dreams:

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Invent a sob story; tell critics how you always wanted a Chesapeake Bay Retriever, Cairn Terrier, Cocker Spaniel or (fill in the blank) when you were a small child. Describe your joy playing with a relative’s/neighbor’s/friend’s dog of this breed, and how it broke your heart when you couldn’t have one of your own. Let tears fill your eyes as you describe welling up whenever you saw one of these dogs passing, mourning your loss.
2. Describe your pet owner needs so that only your desired breed can fill them—“I need a big dog for protection, but one who will be gentle for children when they come over, one who won’t destroy the house when I’m gone to work all day, but will walk on a lead when I come home, oh, and I’d like one that matches my black and white spotted furniture.”
3. Push reliability. Breed standards are the new selling point for purebred dogs, not social status or snob appeal. You know the puppy you get won’t grow up into a 100 lb giant if the breed tops out at 20 lbs, and you can expect a relatively hypoallergenic dog when you buy one.
4. Abashedly admit your fragile ego. Saying “Yes, I want a Weimaraner because they’re beautiful and sleek and everything I want to be,” will disarm your critics faster than an adamant denial.
5. Become an artist, or just talk like one; William Wegman made dog art mainstream, and David Hockney continued the craze—justify your purebred pooch by citing your need for a muse, and an art project in the works. Questioning an artist is socially inappropriate.
6. Blame your spouse, if you have one. “It was all her idea, I’d have happily adopted a shelter dog, but you know—she fell in love.”
7. Trot around your new purebred dog when he or she arrives on the scene; who could criticize such a bundle of love? Critics will, at least, save the barbs for when the baby isn’t listening. Keep your dog with you at all times.

Tips & Warnings

• If you have a real sob story about the breed you desire, all the better.
• Getting your purebred dog from a Purebred Dog Rescue Society will allay your critics’ fears for your immortal soul, and earn you humanitarian points.
• Allergies are huge selling points for purebred dogs. No one wants you to re-home your dog due to allergies; choosing a pet with a minimum of shedding and dander makes sense with an allergic home—especially when cute small children are involved.
• If pushed, ask about your critics' glass houses; do they own status symbol purses, fancy cars or cell phones with all the bells and whistles—why should you be any less vulnerable to the lure of the beautiful, especially when it comes with unconditional love?
• Sadly, all purebred dogs aren’t created equal; beware of backyard breeders advertising less expensive purebred animals near you. Researching breeders and bloodlines could save you thousands of dollars in vet bills, and years of heartbreak, though even with the best breeding, some dogs will inherit genetic problems that won’t surface until years later.