How to Let a Guy Down Gently

Raise your hand if this has ever happened to you: after a week's worth of tentative, halting phone conversations, two or three dates, and a shy, fumbled goodnight kiss, it's suddenly occurred to you that the guy you're dating isn't even remotely close to being "The One." Assuming you're too kind for the usual expedients-not returning his phone calls, say, or moving to another town-how do you let him down with a minimum of finesse? Here are some suggestions.

Instructions

1. Pour on the lies. The last thing you want to do is a tell a guy the real reason you're breaking up with him, especially if that reason involves body hygiene or bounced checks. Instead, try something like "I'm sorry, John, but you're way too smart/outgoing/energetic for me." With any luck, he'll take this as a compliment, and not notice he's been dumped until you're well out the door.

2. Set him up with a friend. An apropos-of-nothing remark like "You know, I have a friend who would be just perfect for you" kills two birds with one stone. It implicitly lets the guy know how you feel and raises his hopes that your unnamed friend will look like Alexis Bledel. However, don't try this maneuver unless you've cleared things with your pal first, lest she wind up kicking him to the curb the way you just did.

3. Blame your therapist. Think of this as the Terrell Owens approach. (You know, he's the wide receiver for the Dallas Cowboys who points the finger at everyone but himself for a botched play). If you tell a guy that your shrink/big brother/Mom/Dad disapproves of him, he'll be so melodramatically (albeit momentarily) distracted by the unfairness of it all that you'll have an ideal chance to slip out the window.

4. Invoke your ex. Never tell a guy you're dumping him for someone you met the other night at the laundromat. Instead, whether it's true or not, pretend you're getting back with your ex, who you've known and/or dated since you grew up next door to each other in Cleveland. Presented with that kind of tangled history, the dumpee will gladly slink away rather than try to compete.

5. Tell it like it is. If you don't have the stomach for the above maneuvers, phrase your reasons for breaking up as generically as possible: i.e., "I just don't think we have the right chemistry" is better than "I'm a professional sky-diving instructor, and you spend all day in your pajamas watching reality TV. Do I have to draw you a picture?" If he's a reasonable guy (granted, that's a big if) he'll accept what you say and move on to his next likely prospect.