How to End a Relationship Via Email

"Dear babe, welcome to Dumpsville. Population, you." As with so many things on "The Simpsons," Homer's letter to Mrs. Krabappel weirdly anticipates the current vogue in dating: giving your beloved the boot not during a real-life rendezvous or even on the phone, but via email. What's the best way to accomplish this delicate task? Read on.

Instructions

1. Think carefully. As a rule, if you've only dated a guy two or three times, an email rejection is perfectly acceptable-not as nice as calling him on the phone, perhaps, or informing him in person, but much nicer than not returning his calls or instant messages. But if you've been dating for months (or years), a virtual "'bye, toots!" simply won't do. Decide where your relationship stands and act accordingly.

2. Keep it brief. A thousand-word opus on the hopeless state of your relationship will only lead the dumpee to conclude that you're hopelessly conflicted-after all, why invest so much time in an email if you never want to see her again? Two or three sentences is ideal-longer than "Gotta go! Lotsa luck!" but shorter than "The Rubaiyat of Omar Khayyam."

3. Stay positive. Now is not the time to remind him how childish he is or tell her she really should work out more often. The basic outline of your email should run along the lines of "I'm sorry, I really like you and I think you're a great guy, but I don't think this will work in the long run." Remember, showing too much emotion-positive or negative-may send a mixed message to the person you're dumping.

4. Don't "cc" your friends. You'd be amazed how often this happens, especially among people who don't know the difference between "cc" (which means the recipient will see who else received the message) and "bcc" (which means the other recipients are kept hidden). Yes, you want to show your girlfriends you finally kicked him to the curb, but it's better to copy and paste the message after it's already been sent.

5. Remember, he who dumps by email gets dumped by email. Rejection letters are much easier to send than they are to receive, meaning you can't understand how aggravating it is to be cyber-dumped until it happens to you. So go ahead and hit the "send" button, but remember that the virtual hats may be reversed in your next (supposedly) promising relationship.