Things You'll Need:
- Custom-made, downhill-slanted running shoes
- A soft couch
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Step 1
Watch some "Roadrunner’' cartoons. Then have a hypnotist make you believe you ARE Roadrunner. Your quote to the press after victory: “Meep-meep!”
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Step 2
Instead of jogging all year in preparation, which we all know is tiring, stay on the couch and don’t move a muscle. You’ll have so much energy stored up by the race you’ll probably run the 26 miles in less than an hour.
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Step 3
Order custom-made running shoes that slant downward from an elevated heel. This will provide the effect of running downhill and will have you literally chuckling while you zoom past the shocked field of competitors.
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Step 4
Or, better yet, don’t wear any shoes. The pavement will hurt your bare feet so much you’ll be in a huge rush to finish the race.
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Step 5
Sneak onto a subway train and cut ahead of the entire field of competition. Trust me, no one will suspect a thing.
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Step 6
Run backwards. What few people know is that moving backwards provides, rather than reduces, energy. And just think how humiliated the reigning champion will feel when you burst past him in reverse?
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Step 7
Ride a horse. If people complain, remind them that it was “good enough for Paul Revere.” Bostonians LOVE Paul Revere.
Comments
Velofille said
on 1/14/2009 Darned if only i read this before i did the marathons! :O