Things You'll Need:
- A TV, preferably wide-screened, for following the action
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Step 1
Take a leave of absence from work so you can watch every game. People take hiatuses all the time for little things like '‘having a child’'—why can’t you do it for something important?
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Step 2
Shave most of your head, put on a sports blazer and talk like Dick Vitale all month. When your wife asks you to take out the garbage, remind her, “I’m a prime-time player, baybeeee!”
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Step 3
Tattoo the entire tournament bracket on your chest, and have the winner of each game tattooed into the next round as it progresses. You can only do this once, but what a statement!
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Step 4
Base the entire direction of your life around the mascot of the title-winning team. For example, if the North Carolina Tar Heels win, you can go into shoe sales--or maybe roadwork.
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Step 5
Take a basketball hostage and lock yourself inside your house until the tournament ends. Don’t shoot the ball unless you have no other choice.
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Step 6
Bring your wife and small child to a remote, abandoned lodge in the Northwest for the entire month. Burst into their presence at the beginning of each day’s games wielding an axe and yelling, “Heeeeeere’s Tourney!”
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Step 7
Throw a stupendous championship-style fiesta incorporating the Rockettes, several kegs of beer and a collegiate marching band--for every single game.
