How to Deal with Difficult People

It's no fun to deal with difficult people. You know the type--the ones that are so negative, picky and grumpy that it puts you in a bad mood. But instead of becoming a difficult person yourself, try to deal with them. Here are some pointers on how to do that.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Try to figure them out. Why are they being so nasty? Are they jealous? Are they annoyed with you about something specific? Are they stressed out? Are they afraid? Are they mistrustful? You'll need to learn what makes them tick before you can stop them from ticking you off.

2. Don't take things personally. Troublesome behavior is habitual. Difficult people tend to be difficult to everyone.

3. Don't fight back. Don't become an adversary. It only feeds their negativity, and chances are they are better than you at being bitter.

4. Avoid appeasing them. You wouldn't reward a bad dog, so why let a difficult person get away with bad behavior? If you let them get their way, they'll only be encouraged.

5. Don't try to change them. It's impossible to change someone's entire being. Not only that, but people usually get pretty indignant if they sense you are trying to shape their character. Your only hope is deal with their behavior gracefully.

6. Choose your mode of confrontation. Don't lose your cool but be firm and assertive. Let them know you won't be pushed around, but don't exasperate the situation by fighting an unnecessary fight.

7. Never argue. If you argue with someone that is being difficult, it gives them a chance to justify their behavior. You'll be surprised at how many unreasonable arguments a strong-headed person can bring up.

Tips & Warnings

• Be reasonable. Be the bigger person privately. If you start acting like you are taking the moral high road, they'll try to knock you off your high horse.
• Don’t think that there is an easy fix or that you can change the situation overnight.

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[casstcl]

on 8/12/2009 When dealing with people of many different faces and that always takes other's credit, what should be the appropiate approach and attitude to handle?

[FarrukhAlavi]

on 6/10/2008 In any heated argument, there are usually two ways of thinking.

a) I'm concerned with being "right". (Wanting to be "right" can destroy relationships.)

b) I'm concerned with being "good". If you want to be good to the other person, you will care about their feelings, you will share your own feelings, and you will know that the success of your relationship is the only thing that matters. In short, wanting to be RIGHT is usually wrong, because there's so much violence in that desire. Wanting to be Good, usually ends up feeling Right, because it makes the other person break down and REALLY tell you what they're scared of.

[Janie]

on 1/10/2007 It is great not to argue, sometimes we must, I wonder though is it perception that plays a role in who or who might not be being the bigger person or who or who is not actually right or wrong?