How to Make Extra Cash as an NBA Benchwarmer

Pity the poor NBA benchwarmer—forced to watch pro sports every other night for nine months a year while only earning a million dollars -- or two. Here’s how they can pick up a few extra bucks during their free time warming the pine.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Go into the stands and panhandle. Who’s gonna turn down a 6-7 250-pounder?
2. Sign an endorsement contract with Versace or Armani to wear their clothing over your uniform on the bench. Charge them extra when you strut out to half-court during TV timeouts like you’re on the catwalk in Milan.
3. Make silly noises while your team goes to the line to shoot free throws. They want you to shut up? Ten grand please.
4. Bet money against your team and then try to lower morale and team confidence by crying between quarters and quoting Bill Paxton from "Aliens" every time you get behind: “Game over, man!”
5. Do product placements for cash any time the game is televised nationally. Swig from large 2-liter Coke bottles, make calls on your Verizon wireless phone, munch a Happy Meal, and so on.
6. Have your laptop open on the bench so you can make online investments, auction off team memorabilia you’ve pilfered, conduct a live paid blog for NBA.com, and so on.
7. Be a part-time process server, delivering court summons to your teammates. They’ll quickly hate you with a passion, but are you trying to make money or friends? And would a REAL friend hate you over a little backstabbing?

Tips & Warnings

• Ideally, you can multi-task and take on several projects at once to really take in some extra greenbacks. Soon, you’ll be the envy of all the starters, who will then actually be begging coach for LESS playing time!
• This is intended for entertainment purposes only and not actual use.