How to Execute the Easy Break-Up

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By Joseph Campbell
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Need to break up with your significant other for no reason? Here's the scoop on how to perform a "standard" break up.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Step 1

Choose a semi-public setting, not too private.
Step 2

Invite the victim-to-be to meet you at the chosen spot.
Step 3

Tell the person the easiest part of the truth first i.e. you really do like him/her and that you've enjoyed your time together.
Step 4

Hit them with the ol' "but we can't be involved anymore to the extent that we have been." Make sure to give no real good reasons.
Step 5

Tell the person that you hope you can be friends but that you understand that he/she needs to do what is best for himself/herself.

Tips & Warnings

Be polite but firm.
Try to keep others out of it, and always make it about you.
"It's not you, it's me," is a time-tested classic.
Beware of sharp objects lying near by.
Don't be unnecessarily harsh.
Don't do it on a birthday or another holiday.
Statistics show a higher likelihood of an "incident" if break-up comes on a significant day.