How to Know If a Magic 8 Ball is Lying

Degree of belief in fortune-telling notwithstanding, there is something appealing about questioning a Magic 8 Ball. Problem is, most of them lie. You have to find the good Magic 8 Balls from the bad Magic 8 Balls. Here's how to find the good ones.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Magic 8 Ball
• Second Magic 8 Ball, or online Magic 8 Ball
• More Magic 8 Balls, as desired

1. Ask your collected Magic 8 Balls the same yes/no question. Note their answers.

2. Ask your collected Magic 8 Balls another yes/no question. Note their answers.

3. Ask a third, again, noting the answers. You now have enough to look for patterns in which Magic 8 Balls are currently in good or bad moods, using a best-two-out-of-three pattern. I recommend using the type of matrices used in logic puzzles to track answers to multi-dimensional question series.

4. If data is inconclusive, or if all your Magic 8 Balls are in bad moods, keep asking until you reach 9 questions. If you have data for nine questions and no patterns emerge, put your 8 Balls away. Be very careful for the rest of the day, because something is conspiring against you.

5. Once you have a good Magic 8 Ball, test its truthfulness. Ask the bad Magic 8 Ball(s) in your test if the good one is truthful. If they say "yes", you're being misled. If they say "no" or "inconclusive", ask them basic math problems until they're bored into telling the truth.

6. Ask the good Magic 8 Ball if it is lying, and if the other Magic 8 Balls lie. Inconclusive responses, or an "Ask again later", is not a bad sign. If the good Magic 8 Ball passes all your test questions with flying colors, put that 8 Ball immediately away. It is a gift from fate, and you should save its glory and truth for the rest of your life, using it only for very important decision-making times.

7. Now that you have a good Magic 8 Ball, ask for the answer(s) you initially desired.

8. If your Magic 8 Ball gradually wanders away from the truth, or straight-up answers, take a break and try again. If it consistenly starts protesting the interrogation, put it down. Rest. Then start over with step #1.

Tips & Warnings

• You can find an online Magic 8 Ball at http://www.magic8ball.co.uk/, or any Google search.
• Online Magic 8 Balls are particularly good, because they're truly programmatically random.
• Wikipedia has a comprehensive Magic 8 Ball entry, with solid information about the physical ball and lots of good links to learn more: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Magic_8_Ball
• If you truly need to test the veracity of your Magic 8 Ball collection, game theory principles would be of specific use: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Game_theory. I would recommend pitting two Magic 8 Balls against each other in a game of "ultimatum" or "chicken", though both take a very long time, with many responses of "Ask again later".
• Real Magic 8 Balls are sometimes annoying, because the fluid is too disturbed to allow the answer icosahedron to properly align with the viewing window.
• Watch out for online Magic 8 Balls that ask you to type in your question. There's really no need, and the website might keep your question. Who knows what they'll do with it. Nothing but bad karma can come from digitally submitting your question.
• If you prefer to test your Magic 8 Balls with classic logic puzzle games like "Who Owns the Zebra", please be warned that converting the questions to true/false phrasing is very time consuming. Most 8 Balls get downright angry at the demands put on their attention.