How to Handle the Holidays if You Are Gay or Lesbian

For many, the holidays mean being with seldom-seen family members and other people that you would honestly rather not see. But a little common sense and a few tips can make the holiday season easier for you - and for your family.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Go ahead and attend some of the usual family events, but consider skipping out early or coming late - whatever you can do to shorten the amount of time you have to be on the defensive without angering your family.

2. Stay away, however, if your partner isn't welcome, too. Your partner is your chosen family, and the two of you can perhaps go to your partner's family's house or create a new holiday ritual that is all your own.

3. Try not to assume how family members will react to your presence. You might be surprised.

4. Recognize that not all the members of your family will be equally accepting of your sexual orientation, so spend your time talking with those that are.

5. Discuss in advance the sleeping arrangements for you and your partner, if your partner is coming. Don't wait until late in the evening when everyone is tired and ready to argue about something.

6. Steer your family's attention to the parts of your life that they will be proud of, such as recent success in your job, the fact that you've found a new church or home, or the volunteer work you do.

7. Remember that you may not be the only one in your family that is feeling uncomfortable - your closeted gay cousin may be there, too, and that recently divorced uncle may be feeling lonely without his wife on his arm. Comfort them, if possible, and you'll feel better, too.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't choose a holiday as the time for coming out to your parents or other relatives. Too many other things are going on to distract them, and people are usually more stressed and edgy during the hectic holiday times.
• You can require people to be nice to you, but you can't require them to understand your sexual orientation. Simply respecting other family members and their difference can go a long way toward making the holidays more comfortable for everyone.

on 12/16/2005 Have a holiday bash at your house. I would invite family and friends to our house. That way, it is your turf, where people would be more likely to be friendly. Also, only those who actually want to be there and will be accepting of your sexuality will be likely to attend. Whereas, if you were to go to a relatives home you have little or no control about who is invited or how you are treated. At your home people are more likely, I think to show respect, and you are in absolute control of who does and doesn't come. This would reduce the discomfort you feel and allow you to enjoy your Holiday.