How to Find a Mentor to Help You Come Out

Once you've made up your mind to come out, a mentor can help you get acquainted with this new part of your life - he or she can answer questions, offer insight and direction, and give guidance to help make your journey into gay culture easier.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

1. Identify and meet with a trusted gay friend, acquaintance or peer - someone you know is gay and who you respect. It could be someone you don't know well, but if you're already good friends, it will be easier to talk about coming out.
2. Explain that you think or know you're gay and want to come out, and that you'd find it helpful if you could get some support, coaching or mentoring from her.
3. Assess her reaction to your request. If there is doubt about this person being supportive, consider someone else.
4. Explain that you need guidance with this newly discovered aspect of your life and answers to questions about gay culture, relationships, sex, stereotypes and so on.
5. Speak to this person regularly about your experiences, perceptions, assumptions and challenges. Sometimes just talking to someone about these things will help you answer your own questions or determine your position on an issue.
6. Move on when you're ready and be sure to thank your mentor for helping you through this important transition period. Welcome to being who you are and living your life more fully!

Tips & Warnings

• As with any culture or society, there are several different "layers" or strata of gay life - some are overtly stereotypical and some are very subtle and discreet. Don't worry about where you fit in yet - be prepared to cross many boundaries before you settle into an environment that's most comfortable for you.
• You may not find the right mentor at first, so it's important to be clear with him or her about your objectives and expectations up front - if not, your request may be construed as something else.
• A parent or sibling (unless he or she happens to be gay) or a member of a religious group (such as a pastor, rabbi or priest) may be a risky mentor - there's generally not a lot of room or acceptance in traditional religions for gay people - and you may find yourself being "corrected" instead of mentored. Being gay is a human awakening, not a spiritual issue.