How to Encourage Your Child to Study for a Bar or Bat Mitzvah

A bar or bat mitzvah marks the transition from childhood to adulthood and is an important event in the life of a Jewish child. It also requires a lot of study, so you may find that your child needs some extra encouragement throughout the process that leads up to the big day.

Difficulty: Moderately challenging

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Jewish Traditions Books

1. Find out in advance exactly what will be expected of your child. Different congregations have different traditions, so it's important to know all the details before the work begins.

2. Discuss the various requirements with your child, and help him or her make any choices that need to be made about the content and planning of the ceremony.

3. Help your child put together a plan of action for study and preparation; work on building a study routine that's manageable and still leaves your child time to do his or her regular schoolwork and participate in normal extracurricular activities.

4. Find out how much participation your child hopes you'll provide throughout the process. Some children may prefer to do the bulk of their studying alone or with the rabbi's help, while others might need help memorizing their Torah portion and revising their speeches.

5. Make sure that your child is willing to take responsibility for his or her own success. While you can do everything possible to make the process interesting, educational and enjoyable, your child is the one who must do the actual work if he or she is to succeed.

6. Involve your child in all aspects of the ceremony and the celebration. This is a very personal experience for your child, and he or she should have some party-planning input. The more your child looks forward to the celebration, the more likely he or she will be to concentrate on the actual studying.

7. Work on reducing stage fright and anxiety as part of the preparations. It's one thing for your child to read or sing in the privacy of his or her own room, and quite another to get up in front of the whole congregation and do it.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to help your child develop a sense of pride in his or her heritage by explaining why the bar or bat mitzvah is an important aspect of Jewish life.
• Let your child know that it's OK to make the occasional mistake during the ceremony - it would be very difficult to get the whole thing perfect. Encourage your child to take things one word at a time, and to keep going even if a couple of words come out wrong.
• Encourage your child to study, but avoid nagging or making threats. If he or she seems to be having problems settling into a study routine, consider asking the rabbi or another member of the congregation for some extra tutoring or assistance.
• If your child has siblings, try not to make them feel left out during this period. If possible, include them in the process by asking them to quiz their brother or sister, or getting them to help with preparations for the party.