How to Know If You're Ready to Come Out to Your Parents

Regardless of the relationship you have with your parents, coming out to them may be very difficult. It's natural that your parent or parents have expectations for their children. They imagine success, happiness and grandchildren. Being gay is probably not one of the characteristics they had in mind. These steps may help you know when the time is right to come out to them.

Things You'll Need

• Books about parents of gay children

Instructions

1. Find a support network or consider seeing a professional therapist who is gay-friendly. Coming out can be difficult and sometimes life changing. It is important to have a safe place for you to share your experience.

2. Buy a book or two about parents of gay children. Even though your parent or parents are ultimately responsible for their reaction and feelings, understanding the issues and questions parents face may help your formulate what to say and how to say it.

3. Wait for your parents to ask. The gay adage is, "If your parents ask, they are ready for the answer."

4. Write a letter to your parents instead of telling them face-to-face. A letter can be edited until it says exactly what you want it to say. Once you give it to them, it also gives your parents a chance to read everything you want to tell them without interruption. They can read it in private and alone. Encourage them to talk to you once they are done.

5. Attend a Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) meeting. You will experience how many different parents have accepted their sons and daughters. Then, when you are ready, give your parents the phone number. They may not use it right away, but at least they have it.

Tips & Warnings

• Give a book to your parents - when you're ready. Just as it is important for us to know that we are not alone, it will be comforting to your parents to know that they are not alone.

• As hard as it may be to believe or accept, you are not responsible to your parents for being gay. It is not your fault or theirs. Being gay is not a fault. It is no better or worse than being straight. It is part of what makes you who you are. Good luck!

• You may not have the luxury of picking the place and time to come out to your parents. You may be "found out." Someone may tell your parents, or they may find something as harmless as a book. Turn this surprise into something positive. Once they know, they know. Move forward and enjoy the sense of relief.