How to Create Rituals Around the Holidays for Gay Couples

Whether you are Jewish, Muslim, Christian or Buddhist, holidays can create complexities and stress for couples with different beliefs, spiritual traditions or family expectations.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Discuss with your partner, well in advance of any holidays, which occasions are the most important for the two of you as a couple.

2. Talk about the holidays that might bring up clashes within your partnership, such as Christmas if one of you is Jewish and the other is Christian.

3. Discuss how you as a couple will spend holidays that you value equally, such as New Year's Eve or Independence Day. Will you only celebrate together as a couple? Will you include your families? Friends? Both?

4. Realize that you may spend holidays apart, either due to personal beliefs or family tradition. This is OK; it should enrich your time together as you share your experiences of the occasion once you're back home.

5. Clarify your family's position on including your partner in holiday celebrations, and vice versa. Don't waste your time trying to force a happy occasion on people if they are not willing to have a good time.

6. Visualize with your partner how holiday celebrations will look. Include all important logistical information. Will you, your partner, both of you, or family members travel during the holidays? Who will prepare holiday meals? Who will host a holiday celebration in their home?

7. Identify and celebrate nontraditional holidays specific to your and your partner's interests. These may include the opening of baseball season, Halloween or the Academy Awards.

Tips & Warnings

• Plan ahead. Develop a habit of talking about holiday logistics well in advance of the actual holiday.
• It takes time to develop a strategy for approximately 10 to 12 annual holidays that are celebrated by families, friends, you and your partner. A holiday celebration that does not go exactly as planned is just that. There is no relationship between how much you and your partner love each other and the outcome of holiday celebrations.