How to Find an Officiant for Your Same-Sex Commitment Ceremony

Once you've decided to stand before witnesses and profess your commitment to your partner, you'll need to find someone to officiate at the ceremony. It might be a religious leader - or perhaps someone less predictable. Here's how to locate someone to officiate at your same-sex commitment ceremony.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

Things You’ll Need:

• Phone Books
• Telephones
• Internet Access
• Computers

1. Find Christian clergy who will be glad to lead your ceremony at one of about 300 Metropolitan Community Churches worldwide - the churches are all part of a predominantly gay and lesbian denomination called the Universal Fellowship of Metropolitan Community Churches (see mccchurch.org). You'll find a list of their congregations on their Web site.
2. Consider clergy from mainstream denominations. While few will be willing to do a public ceremony (in many cases, they would lose their jobs if they did), many are gay-friendly and can help you on the sly.
3. Be aware of one church group that welcomes gays and lesbians and often conducts gay and lesbian union ceremonies: Unitarian Universalists. The Web site of the Unitarian Universalist Association (uua.org) can help you find a local congregation, or you can check the phone book.
4. Locate Jewish organizations and congregations by visiting the Web site of the World Congress of Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Jewish Organizations (glbtjews.org).
5. Think about a nonreligious alternative if you aren't very comfortable with churches, synagogues or religious institutions. The lawyer who prepares your living-together agreement, for example, might conduct a simple ceremony for you and a few friends. It's not unheard of.
6. Do without an officiator if you want. The rules are up to you since gay and lesbian unions are based on commitment rather than law, so you and your partner can be creative - and true to your own beliefs and values.

Tips & Warnings

• Be sure you're thinking the same thing as your partner. Choosing who will lead your commitment ceremony is an important decision in a couple's life, and it's a time to be especially mindful of your partner's wishes, particularly if you have different feelings about religion.