How to Get Support From Your Siblings When You Come Out

Coming out is a process that continues over time. The support and concern provided by a brother or sister can be a valuable resource.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Identify which sibling is most likely to accept your sexual orientation and to provide you with ongoing support.
2. Develop a game plan that provides you with a sense of structure that defines where, when, and how you plan to come out to your sibling.
3. Anticipate that coming out may increase your level of anxiety. As a result, your game plan may be changed, altered or modified.
4. Practice a coming out script that feels comfortable to you. Realistically, you will probably not follow your script, but the practice will increase your confidence.
5. Create a balance in your script. Confirm that you are the individual you have always been. Educate your sibling about the fact that sexual orientation is just one aspect of your personality.
6. Plan to educate your sibling about the incorret stereotypes society maintains about gay and lesbian people.
7. Select a time to meet with your sibling that is convenient to both of you.
8. Share your process of accepting your sexual orientation. If you realized at an early age that you were some how "different," talk about this.
9. Explain what it was like for you when you realized this difference was called gay or lesbian.
10. Share the joys and challenges you experience as a result of being gay or lesbian.
11. Question your siblings about the best approach for coming out to the rest of your family, especially with family members who will be critical and negative about your sexual orientation.
12. Confirm whether your sibling is willing to be an ongoing supportive ally during your coming out process with the rest of your family.

Tips & Warnings

• Recruit gay or lesbian friends to serve as a source of support for you. Ask them to share their experiences, insights and suggestions.
• Coming out to your family is more than one initial discussion in which you share your identity as a lesbian or gay man. It is also an ongoing activity of educating your family about the psychological, political and legal issues lesbians and gay men encounter.