How to Decide to Get Serious With Your Same-Sex Partner

Making the transition from hooking up to hanging out to dating and then being in a serious, committed relationship can be an exciting process for lesbians and gay men. Both environmental pressures and personal readiness influence when and how this transition happens.

Instructions

Difficulty: Easy

Things You’ll Need:

• Notebooks
• Writing Pens

1. Identify the top three to five must-have characteristics you want in a primary partner and in a significant relationship. For example, your must-haves might include a sense of humor, financial stability, or consistent romance.
2. Write a list of when and how your current dating partner demonstrated these must-have characteristics during the past two weeks, the past month, and the past six months.
3. Rate your satisfaction with your dating partner's performance in terms of your must-haves.
4. Identify and take note of points where your dating partner disappointed you, even a little bit. Disappointment is a natural, normal and inevitable part of every relationship.
5. Ask yourself, truthfully and honestly, how you will cope with these natural, normal and inevitable disappointments.
6. Pretend you are your dating partner and answer steps 1 through 5 from his or her perspective.
7. Identify current environmental stressors that might temporarily slow down the progression of your dating relationship to a more serious level.
8. Practice using words that are comfortable to you when you ask your dating partner if she or he is interested, willing and motivated to create a more serious, committed relationship.
9. Identify a trusted friend to listen to your planning and practicing. The security and love of a relationship never replaces the valued wisdom of friendships.

Tips & Warnings

• The love, caring and respect of a committed primary relationship develops over time.
• Committed primary relationships take time, commitment and effort to develop. Hooking up and partying are fun, exciting and energizing. Neither situation is right or wrong, good or bad, black or white. However, they are very different from each other and have very different outcomes. Be clear about what you want and how you are achieving what you want.