How to Talk to Your Same-Sex Partner About Monogamy

For many individuals in a new relationship, the transition to monogamy represents an important step toward a more serious commitment. A mutually agreed upon definition of monogamy can increase successful communication and strengthen a developing relationship.

Difficulty: Moderately challenging

Instructions

1. Schedule time to discuss whether or not you both feel ready to enter into a monogamous relationship.

2. Agree to basic ground rules for your discussion. For example, you might agree to speak in calm voices, to take a break when the discussion becomes heated or to limit each part of the discussion to 30 minutes.

3. Schedule a relaxed, comfortable time when you both can focus on monogamy and your relationship.

4. Create a list of values and beliefs about monogamy. Complete this step individually before you meet together.

5. Start off by describing your positive feelings about your relationship.

6. Speak from an "I" perspective. For example, you might say, "I feel rejected when I think of you having sex with others."

7. Notice how a statement like "When you have sex with others, I feel rejected," maximizes partner blame and minimizes feelings of rejection.

8. Discuss whether monogamy means no physical or sexual behavior outside of your primary relationship.

9. Decide whether flirting, passionate kissing, groping or emotional attachments with other potential partners violate your definition of monogamy.

10. Conclude your discussion with an evaluation your comfort level in talking about monogamy.

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on 11/22/2005 Flirting and emotional attachments are not really conflictive with monogamy, since we as human beings like to feel desirable and emotionally liked. Passionate kissing and groping are more monogamy violators - they are invaders of a person's space.