How to Decide How to Refer to Your Same-Sex Partner

Choosing the right term to refer to your partner can be a little tricky, but these tips can make your decision easier.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Talk with your partner to see if he or she prefers a certain term, then consider using that term to make your partner happy.

2. Think about terms that match your personality. If you are a more formal person, "significant other" might be better for you than "other half."

3. Ask yourself whether "roommate" is an acceptable choice, particularly if you want to acknowledge your living arrangements without coming out of the closet.

4. Ask others how they think of the two of you. You may act more like "best friends" than "mates."

5. Consider whether "friend" is a good choice. You'll be less likely to raise eyebrows, but you may not be fully acknowledging your relationship.

6. Discuss whether different terms may be needed in different situations. Your close friends may be comfortable with terms that the people at work aren't.

7. Try out your choices on people you won't see again, like the people in the next room when you're on vacation. If they shudder at your choice, try again.

8. Remember that the English language may not have a word to match your exact feelings.

Tips & Warnings

• Choose a term that accurately describes your level of commitment. "Spouse" may not be right for someone you've only been with a few weeks, and "boyfriend" may be wrong for someone you've shared your life with for years.
• Think about using a more unique term like "co-husband" or "life mate."
• "Lover" may make people think your relationship is only about sex.

[judykd]

on 10/4/2008 My partner and I were married on June 17th in California and if I refer to her in public I use my Partner, yes we have been given the right to marry but its a bit different getting use to the idea that is your wife.

[dpsf]

on 10/11/2007 I find "roomate" or "friend" offensive to be recommended terms to use. Sure, I don't always come out in every situation, but having visibility is important to me - and it helps break down negative stereotypes when folks realize that they know someone who is LGBTQ.

[Moongrrly]

on 6/17/2007 I used to call her my wife or husband. To close friends and close family I'd say husband, to others wife. At work, she was my girlfriend. We were together for 5 years, bought a house and started our lives together. So as far as we were concerned, we were "married" in our eyes.

[intuitus]

on 1/4/2007 My boyfriend/ partner/ lover/ significant other/ roommate/ better half/ and I are engaged. Does that make him my "fiance" or "husband-to-be" ??

[pogueface]

on 12/12/2006 Lately my 'significant other' has taken to referring to me as her 'shag-piece'