How to Travel Faster Than the Speed of Light

This eHow was published on April 1, 1999. We've decided to keep it for its humorous value.



In a startling breakthrough, two undergraduate students at U.C. Santa Cruz have discovered a foolproof method for traveling faster than the speed of light. Their company, SpeedOfLight.com, has received $100 million in venture capital funding and plans to begin its first commercial flights in June 2001. Here's how to reserve your ticket.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Act fast if you want to be a part of history. Only 300 tickets will be available for the first flight.

2. Visit SpeedOfLight.com for information about the physics behind this new discovery. Read articles and chat with astrophysicists about the implications.

3. Call [phone] to request an application.

4. Include your nonrefundable check for $50,000 (or $100,000 if you wish to fly business class).

5. Pack a high-quality camera, a week's worth of clothes (plan on cool temperatures) and a few tanks of oxygen.

6. Check with the pilot about a cockpit tour if you're bringing kids. They might even be allowed to press the Warp Speed button themselves.

Tips & Warnings

• Throw away your moisturizers and skin creams. You're going to come back younger than when you left.
• Students Zak Martinez and Melinda Leash say they weren't even trying to defy the laws of physics. "We were trying to create the ideal recreational drug, and we stumbled onto this," says Martinez. "It's disappointing, of course, but we'll keep trying."
• Ask the captain to turn on the headlights.
• Space travel is an inherently dangerous activity that can lead to asphyxiation, deep freezing and spontaneous explosion. Check with your doctor if you have any concerns.
• Watch out for storm troopers and Klingons.
• Remember that April Fool's Day is not celebrated the same way on all planets. Please share your tips for extraterrestrial hijinks below. We'll give an eHow CD player to our 10 favorites.