Things You'll Need:
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Step 1
Realize there are reasons why your mother is overbearing and that you won't ever be able to change her. The operative word in this eHow is "deal."
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Step 2
Work on establishing boundaries immediately. Decide which aspects of your life you won't share with your mother, then remind her when she invades them.
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Step 3
Learn this phrase and repeat it often: "I love you, but I don't want to discuss that with you." Then change the subject when your mother begins to meddle.
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Step 4
Consider writing your mother a letter, detailing how you'd like your relationship to evolve (and which aspects can go extinct like the dinosaurs).
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Step 5
Thank your mother for her suggestions on how to live your life, then move on to more stimulating conversation.
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Step 6
Strive to seek approval from yourself instead of from your mother. When you're self-confident, your mother's controlling tendencies won't get under your skin.
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Step 7
Opt for caller ID so you can be prepared for potentially overbearing conversations - or screen the call to measure the importance of her message.
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Step 8
Try to call her back within a day; controlling mothers are fueled by neglect, and you can avoid possible nagging with a prompt call back.
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Step 9
Appreciate the fact that someone cares so much about you that they need to call you before, during and after every small event in your life.
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Step 10
Refrain from any guilt your overbearing mother may try to trip you up with. No one should feel guilty for living their own life.
Comments
georgiamom said
on 8/31/2009 My dad just passed away and my mom has just turned on me. I cannot understand this. I live over two hours away but during the last two weeks of my dad's life, I was by his side in the hospital doing whatever I could for him and for my mom. I am the youngest of two daughters and my sister lives ten minutes from the hospital where my dad died. However she did not pitch in and help as you would think she would but I did not mind as I treasured this time with my dad. There were days when my mom did not come to the hospital as she was too tired and I talked with the doctors and nurses on a regular basis in her absence. I have three children and a husband that I left in another state to be near my dad. My mother has told me that I was inconsiderate because I asked my nephew if we could stop at his house for 5 minutes to change clothes before the funeral after traveling several hours...
anonymous00 said
on 8/1/2009 I agree that writing a letter is not recommended. Words can be miscontrued. Seeing a therapist does wonders for me. Only if you like that type of interaction. But I do highly recommending seeing one.
anonymous00 said
on 8/1/2009 I agree that writing a letter is not recommended. Words can be miscontrued. Seeing a therapist does wonders for me. Only if you like that type of interaction.
My mom hardly calls me but throws hints that I can call her everyday.
I take medications but that exesperates her overbearing behavior and my siblings encourage it because I live in another state. I can't be trusted because I had episodes.
So in short, see a therapist only if that is you are comfortable.
rman1968 said
on 12/15/2008 "Realize ... you won't ever be able to change her." Not a good start in my mind. If you think she people can't change we might as well all climb back into the trees and fling poo at one another. Evolution is a reality. It can happen. Stay the course. Set rules and boundaries. Oddly enough at a certain age your mom is not much different from your child. In fact worse because she most likely has not been disciplined in many many years. I don't have the answers on how, and I think that for every case it is likely to differ. My mom is a control freak. I am her baby boy (even at 40). She makes my wifes live very difficult. Added to this my mother's mom died when my mom was 5. She does not know the grief of an overbearing grand-parent in child rearing. I have even resorted to recording her and playing it back to her and she still sees nothing wrong. I did it in front of my siblings and even th
ohnc3126 said
on 12/8/2008 How do you deal with an over barring brand spanking new mother in law. The boss of the house type of mother where she has been the only women in the home and now here you are "stealing" her first born. Or so it feels like to you. thanks!