Things You'll Need:
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Step 1
Realize there are reasons why your mother is overbearing and that you won't ever be able to change her. The operative word in this eHow is "deal."
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Step 2
Work on establishing boundaries immediately. Decide which aspects of your life you won't share with your mother, then remind her when she invades them.
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Step 3
Learn this phrase and repeat it often: "I love you, but I don't want to discuss that with you." Then change the subject when your mother begins to meddle.
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Step 4
Consider writing your mother a letter, detailing how you'd like your relationship to evolve (and which aspects can go extinct like the dinosaurs).
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Step 5
Thank your mother for her suggestions on how to live your life, then move on to more stimulating conversation.
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Step 6
Strive to seek approval from yourself instead of from your mother. When you're self-confident, your mother's controlling tendencies won't get under your skin.
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Step 7
Opt for caller ID so you can be prepared for potentially overbearing conversations - or screen the call to measure the importance of her message.
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Step 8
Try to call her back within a day; controlling mothers are fueled by neglect, and you can avoid possible nagging with a prompt call back.
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Step 9
Appreciate the fact that someone cares so much about you that they need to call you before, during and after every small event in your life.
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Step 10
Refrain from any guilt your overbearing mother may try to trip you up with. No one should feel guilty for living their own life.
Comments
lighthouse1k1 said
on 1/22/2009 i am a 44 year old male. i had always loved my mom and somehow i was always happy to help her however i could. i am gay and i don't believe i am gay because i got much more love growing up from mom than dad. i was never too close to dad. i had always felt that he favored my sister. i was always to blame or be put down by dad growing up. i know deep down he loved me. he was always most generous and i believe that as i got older he tried to be a friend to me and be much kinder in how he would relate to me. i will never forget the kindest words he would relate when writing me. i believe i am gay because i was born this way. it's natural to me and if this is to be defined as genetic than be it. as i got older i realized my mom overbearing relationship. i managed to break away and move out on my own when i was around 27. i lived the most amazing years of my life in california till my dad pas
rman1968 said
on 12/15/2008 "Realize ... you won't ever be able to change her." Not a good start in my mind. If you think she people can't change we might as well all climb back into the trees and fling poo at one another. Evolution is a reality. It can happen. Stay the course. Set rules and boundaries. Oddly enough at a certain age your mom is not much different from your child. In fact worse because she most likely has not been disciplined in many many years. I don't have the answers on how, and I think that for every case it is likely to differ. My mom is a control freak. I am her baby boy (even at 40). She makes my wifes live very difficult. Added to this my mother's mom died when my mom was 5. She does not know the grief of an overbearing grand-parent in child rearing. I have even resorted to recording her and playing it back to her and she still sees nothing wrong. I did it in front of my siblings and even th
ohnc3126 said
on 12/8/2008 How do you deal with an over barring brand spanking new mother in law. The boss of the house type of mother where she has been the only women in the home and now here you are "stealing" her first born. Or so it feels like to you. thanks!
Freebird83 said
on 6/27/2008 I suggest not setting boundaries until you've really looked at your part of the problem and have a course of action. I think that really understanding how boundaries work and that you can only change yourself... you can begin to make baby steps to separating yourself and becoming an independent person. Also, letters can be misconstrued or seen as disrespectful. This may give mom a reason to not hear what you have to say. I know it's hard to sit in front of her and not withdraw to feeling like a child or old habits but letters don't allow for tone or feedback. This is the hardest thing I will have ever dealt with but you need to do it!
sexylady03 said
on 9/16/2007 I agree with all of your advice. But it is all easier said than done. I have even tried to remain calm and respectful. However, I have gotten to the point now where I could care less how she feels or what she thinks and I have let her know that. I just feel like it's too much and the only way to deal with it is to be brutally honest!