How to Choose a Divorce and Family Mediator

Get the names of some mediators in your area. Narrow your list down according to your preferences. Gather information from mediators, interview some and choose the one that feels right to you.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Talk to your spouse about finding a mediator. Decide who will locate the mediator.

2. Contact the Academy of Family Mediators. This is a national organization of mediators who deal with divorce and family matters.

3. Ask for the names of some mediators in your area.

4. Find out the name of your state's mediators association as well. The Academy of Family Mediators can provide you with this information.

5. Look over the list of mediators you have been given. Cross some off based on your preferences. You may wish to only consider women or mediators in a specific town.

6. Call a few mediators and ask them to mail you some information. You could also speak with them on the phone briefly to get basic information.

7. Determine how long the mediator has been practicing mediation, if he or she has handled your type of case before, if he or she has formal training, how many sessions he or she recommends and what the fee will be.

8. Eliminate mediators who have not received formal training in mediation.

9. Schedule a free consultation with the mediators you feel most comfortable with.

10. Trust your instincts. If you don't trust or feel comfortable with a mediator it will be impossible for you to open up in front of him or her.

11. Expect to pay a retainer fee and then to pay by the hour or by the session.

12. Request a retainer agreement or written contract for services.

Tips & Warnings

• Mediation will help you end your marriage (or resolve your family dispute) in a way so that you are not fighting each other, but are instead working together to find a solution that will benefit your entire family.
• Mediation is especially important if you have children. Using mediation, you can develop a plan that will allow you to co-parent together even though you may no longer be partners.
• Consider the mediators' backgrounds. Many mediators are also attorneys and have a firm understanding of divorce laws. Attorneys will also be able to draft your actual divorce agreement. Other mediators have backgrounds in counseling may be more experienced in dealing with people in emotional crises and may be able to help you and your spouse communicate more easily but cannot draft legal documents.