How to Use Mediation to Settle Your Divorce

Successful mediation can leave you with a complete agreement that resolves questions of custody and visitation, child support, alimony and property and debt division.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

1. Discuss the option of mediation with your spouse. Both spouses will need to agree to participate fully in mediation or you will not receive its full benefit.
2. Decide how you will pay the mediator. Will you share the cost or will only one of you be responsible for paying?
3. Make sure you let your attorney (if you have one) know that you are going to mediation. If you have a case already pending, it can be postponed for mediation.
4. Listen to everything the mediator says in the first session. He or she will most likely explain that mediation should be a safe situation, in which both spouses can talk honestly without fear of verbal abuse.
5. Follow the ground rules your mediator lays out for you. These rules will probably include no shouting, no name calling, no threats and the freedom to walk out the door or take a break whenever needed.
6. Try to stay focused on the issues. Mediation is not about who did what to whom in the past. It is about the future, and how you are going to arrange to live apart and arrange for your children to have normal and happy lives.
7. Don't get caught up in negative feelings. If you can't get past them, see a therapist or counselor.
8. Do not blame the mediator. He or she is a neutral third party, there to help you and your partner make decisions together.
9. Review any agreement you reach in mediation with your attorney before signing it.

Tips & Warnings

• Mediation allows you and your partner to decide questions for yourselves, in a way that works best for your lives. A court might not take your feelings and preferences into consideration when deciding these questions.
• Expect mediation to be difficult and emotional.
• Do not use mediation to settle a divorce or family dispute if you have been or are being abused by your spouse. If this is the case, get an attorney and get yourself and any children to safety.