Step1
Understand that most custody cases can and should be settled through negotiation and mediation. Contact the Academy of Family Mediators for the name of a mediator in your area who can help you reach a settlement. When cases are settled, children tend to be able to cope better and there are fewer returns to court later to try to make changes to the custody situation.
Step2
Know that there are cases that cannot be settled, either because of abuse or neglect or simply due to extreme personalities.
Step3
Realize that if you have one of those cases, you need to find a good family law attorney. You may have to pay more than you'd like, but it is necessary.
Step4
Tell your attorney everything, even your secrets that you want no one to know. Be sure to tell your attorney all of the facts about the other parent. Leave nothing out and do not make anything up. Your attorney has to have all of the facts to achieve the outcome you want.
Step5
Listen to your attorney. Do every single thing he or she tells you to do, even if it causes you inconvenience or discomfort. Your attorney has had years of experience dealing with situations like yours and knows what to do.
Step6
Pay your attorney. If you do not pay your attorney, he or she may ask to be removed from the case. Even if the judge does not allow this, the attorney will complete your case with a lack of enthusiasm.
Step7
Document everything. Keep a log of visitation. Keep a log of what you do when with your child. Write down any problems you have with the other parent. Keep track of the money you spend on the child, the places you take the child, and the quiet at-home time you spend with the child. Make recordkeeping your second job. You want to be able to prove to the court that you are the best parent and that the other parent is not as good as you. Your word on this is not enough.
Step8
Talk to family, friends, daycare workers, teachers, or anyone who has knowledge about your relationship with the child or the other parent's relationship. Ask them to testify about what they know and explain why their knowledge is important.
Step9
Be polite and pleasant to your spouse and do not interfere with the other parent's relationship with the child. You do not want to be the one to start an argument. You need to make sure the other parent sees the child (unless there is a danger of abuse - then talk to your attorney). Not allowing this is called custodial interference and may cause the court to decide you are not a fit parent.
Step10
Never argue in front of the child. Do not speak poorly of the other parent in front of the child.
Step11
Try to be a good parent no matter what. This is what matters the most. You do not need to put your life on hold. Being a good parent means being balanced and well-rounded.
Step12
Remember that more money does not mean better parenting. Don't shower your child with gifts. This will not make the court happy.
Step13
Prepare for testifying. Ask your attorney to spend some time with you helping you feel comfortable with the procedures and types of questions.
Step14
Ask your attorney lots of questions when you are preparing for the trial. Do not ask questions when you are in court unless they are very important or the attorney has made a factual error about something important.
Step15
Get to court on time and dress appropriately.
Step16
Allow your attorney to do all the talking in court. That is why you are paying him or her, remember?
Step17
Be truthful. When you testify it is imperative that you tell the truth, not only because of the risk of perjury, but because if your untruthfulness is discovered, you will look like a liar and lying is a trait courts dislike.
Step18
Remain calm at all times and remember that your lawyer is the expert and you must trust him or her.
Comments
newsgroups.jd said
on 12/21/2006 If you are a penny pincher, now is not the time. If you can cut down on other things to get a good experienced lawyer then I would do it. Will probably cost more, but worth it in the long run. Take out a loan if you have to, borrow from family. I almost broke myself with my lawyer, but he was amazing. He didnt play nice, he went poking and jabbing at every little wound and I won... In a state where males lose 90% or more, it was worth the money.
Get a lawyer that specializes in divorce / custody. If a male, look for a fathers rights attorney.
Dont reveal all of the dirt you have on your spouse to your spouse. Tell your lawyer, never show your cards, even if your mad about something.
If your state permits record all phone conversations. My state as alot of them allow phone conversations to be recorded as long as one party is aware that it is being records, im my care that was me. I simply called and started talking and asking questions that I knew would set her off and get her to start revealing information that would look bad on her in court.
Child custody is not fair, life isnt fair, play dirty.
Anonymous said
on 8/8/2006 Keep track of your payments, document all checks and money orders.
Anonymous said
on 11/22/2005 Everyone keeps saying to record and log everything. I say to do this with pictures instead of only written words. Anyone can make up words to sound good. No one can lie about what a family picture tells. Take a lot of pictures while playing and spending time with the kids while at home or on a trip.
Anonymous said
on 8/8/2006 If you need an attorney, make sure your attorney practices within the same county with the court. Your success will depend on how your judge treats your attorney and in most cases the judges like in-county attorneys. Remember, a female attorney in custody cases is not always good. In most cases male judges don't like female attorneys.
Anonymous said
on 12/22/2005 Stay calm in the court room, no matter what the other parent says about you. Focus on the questions the judge asks you and don't add any negative remarks about the other parent. Speak calmly and clearly and remember that the issue is about your child, not the other parent. If you have a lawyer let him do the talking for you unless a judge asks you something directly.