How to Merge Two Households

Combining two households is a huge challenge, regardless of whether
you're summer roommates or lifetime lovers. When you think about
your prized possessions, you've got to figure out how you'll share
them with someone else's equally prized possessions. It's not fun
or romantic to make lists and agreements, but it'll help you live in
peace--maybe even 'til death do you part.

Difficulty:

Moderately Easy

Instructions

Roommates

1. Box up and store redundant things.

2. Write an agreement that covers financial responsibility for the rent or mortgage, utilities, insurance and other monthly expenses. Keep it simple but precise. Include what happens if one party becomes unable to do his or her share, and the conditions under which the agreement can be dissolved.

3. Pay special attention to cooking and shopping. Decide if you'll share groceries or if you'll each need your own cupboard space and a way to label your food. Make kitchen cleanups each person's individual responsibility. See 308 Organize Cupboards and Drawers, 306 Efficiently Use the Refrigerator and Freezer and 57 Live Better Through Labeling.

4. Have a frank discussion about house keys, cleanliness, music, children, pets, smoking, alcohol, drugs, overnight guests (including lovers and relatives) and any other area of potential friction. Agree on ground rules and stick to them.

5. Come to an agreement and make compromises when decorating any common areas. Maybe you get to decorate one room or area (or floor), and he or she gets to decorate another.

Soulmates

1. Go through your belongings, choose the best items and eliminate the rest. See 12 Get Rid of What You Don't Want, 97 Plan a Move and 146 Organize a Storage Unit.

2. Set up a joint checking account in addition to your individual accounts, and use it for shared expenses. Or, save receipts and split expenses at the end of the month.

3. Consider selling your individual homes and purchasing a totally new place together so it doesn't feel as if one person is moving in on the other's turf. (This is particularly true if children are involved. See 264 Blend Families.) Or, play it safe and rent both of your homes out until the relationship has proved itself.

4. Make sure both of your signatures are required on checks, and avoid buying hard-to-divide items (such as furniture) from the joint account.

Tips & Warnings

• See 95 Plan a Yard or Garage Sale and 98 Downsize Your House.

• As you eliminate redundant items (see step 1), cut each other some slack for duplicate items with sentimental value. Books, music and artwork can't be ruthlessly purged--but it can be stored.

• Divvy up the chores. For some households, it makes sense to alternate (you clean one week, the other person cleans the next). For others, it works better to split up chores (you vacuum and dust, the other person mops and scrubs). Find a system that works for both of you. Or, splurge on a housecleaner: It will keep peace in the family. See 19 Organize Your Chores and 64 Get Ready for the Housecleaner.