How to Plan a Bar or Bat Mitzvah

Mazel tov! Your child, who probably still watches cartoons and is years
away from getting a driver's license, is considered by the Jewish
tradition old enough to become a full member of the congregation.
Preparation for the big day, which includes learning to chant a passage
from the Torah in Hebrew, starts long before the child turns 13.

Instructions

1. Enroll your child in Hebrew school, if he or she isn't already in it. These classes are usually affiliated with a synagogue, and some require up to five years of study before the bar mitzvah.

2. Secure a Friday night or Saturday morning with your synagogue. (Sometimes you need to do this several years in advance.) Formal training--learning the haftarah portion for that day-- will start about six months before the event.

3. Work with your child to choose a venue. The reception may take place at the synagogue directly following the service, or it can be later at another location, such as a hall or restaurant.

4. Talk to your son or daughter about what kind of party he or she wants to throw, including decorations, band or DJ (see 335 Hire a Band), and favors. Make sure they understand your budget limits.

5. Write up the guest list. The child usually invites his or her Hebrew-school class as well as friends from regular school. Parents invite family, friends and business associates. Order invitations and mail them six weeks before the event.

6. Choose the menu. If the service is on Friday night, a meal and celebration will follow. If it's on Saturday, you may also be responsible for the previous night's Oneg Shabbat (a buffet of treats to welcome the Sabbath). If you don't have a kosher caterer, offer a fish or vegetarian alternative for the rabbi, cantor and other observant guests. See 331 Hire a Caterer.

7. Arrange for photos of the service and reception (see 330 Hire a Photographer). In some synagogues, photographs may only be taken before or after Shabbat.

8. Hold a complete rehearsal several days before the event in the sanctuary with the rabbi and the cantor. The rabbi will go through the service and your child will practice reading from the bimah.

Tips & Warnings

• Get help if you need it. Read 329 Hire an Event Planner.

• Search online for "bar mitzvah expo" to find one in your area to get ideas from.

• Help your child select a charity to which he or she will donate gift money.

• Order yarmulkes monogrammed with your child's name and the bar mitzvah date.

• Yes, there actually is bar-mitzvah-planning software out there.

• For out-of-town guests, provide travel information and numbers for local hotels and car-rental agencies with the invitation. Consider sending a save-the-date postcard to these folks as soon as you determine the date of the event.

• Give relatives advance notice if they will be saying the blessing over the bread or wine, or will be called to the bimah (the platform that contains the podium) to chant an aliyah (a reading from the Torah).