How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty

Are you chronically overcommitted? Rushing from one task to another,
with no time for yourself? The key is to have a strong vision of what
you want to say yes to. Then you'll feel far more confident saying no.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Decide which activities you truly love. If you stay focused on those things, then the next time you are asked to volunteer or get involved in a time-consuming activity, just check in. If the request takes you too far from what you are already dedicating yourself to, it's easier to say no (see 16 Set Goals).

2. Get over the need to be nice. Stop being afraid to disappoint people, and let go of the sense of importance you get from being indispensable.

3. Be clear when you say no. Ambiguities like "Maybe after the first of the year" or "Let me get back to you" leave the other person thinking you're actually interested, when you're not.

4. Practice saying no in nonthreatening situations, when you have little at stake and success is almost assured. Then you'll work up to resigning from the board of directors and stop signing up for committee work. Learn that carving out time for yourself and your family requires no reason and no apology.

5. Say no to requests for money in simple language and give no explanation. Contribute to the causes that excite you and complement your values. Then you'll feel confident saying, "My contributions have already been allocated this year."

Tips & Warnings

• Keep it simple. The most effective nos are the least complicated. The more details you supply, the more likely the other person will challenge you or try to change your mind.
• Make a compromise while you're learning to say no. If you're asked to bring cookies to an event, opt for storebought sweets instead of slaving away in the kitchen.
• Re-evaluate your current commitments. You may have agreed to a long-term commitment months ago, but now see that it's not working for you. Talk with the people involved and come up with an arrangement that works for everyone.

[sunny2237]

on 7/12/2007 yea, getting over the need to be nice is essential, but it ain't easy.

[Olorin]

on 6/21/2007 Absolutely. Getting over the need to being nice (or being liked by everyone, which by the way is impossible) makes it easier to say 'NO'. Starting off wth small 'no's' will make it easier for you to attack the bigger ones, obviously, that's just common sense!

[gopal1035]

on 1/18/2007 getting over the need to be NICE could be tough but 'essentail'