How to Know if You Love Her

Knowing if you love her involves some serious soul searching. In order to love someone else, you must first love yourself.

Instructions

Difficulty: Moderate

1. Clarify what love is for you. Write down all your thoughts and feelings about what a loving relationship would be like for you.
2. Distinguish between love and lust or infatuation. Lust is an intense sexual desire. Infatuation refers to the initial stage of a relationship, when you are "crazy" about her, but this feeling usually fades over time.
3. Ask other people how they define love or know if they love someone.
4. Write down how you do feel about her. For example: you enjoy her company, have similar interests, feel safe, trust her, think she is attractive, etc.
5. Think about how well the two of you relate to each other. For example: How well do you communicate with each other? How do you deal with conflict? Do you bring out good or bad parts of each other? Can you show different sides of yourself?
6. Ask yourself if you see and accept her as a whole person. Love isn't just loving the parts of her you like, but choosing to love her overall.

Tips & Warnings

• The infatuation phase of a relationship typically lasts about six months. You may think you are in love and she is perfect for you. It often takes more time to tell if you are truly compatible and whether you can really love the whole person, good and bad.
• Read The Art of Loving and other books about love. Wise people have been writing about it for hundreds of years. In our bookstore, look under psychology, spirituality or philosophy.