How to Console a Griever

Consoling a griever entails being supportive and allowing the person to go through whatever he or she is feeling.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

1. Allow the griever to talk about his grief and express whatever feelings he may have. Listen without offering advice or interrupting.

2. Be patient with the griever's changeable moods. It's normal for him to alternate between anger, sadness, numbness and acceptance.

3. Give him as much time as he needs to grieve. Telling him he should "get over it" or "let it go" doesn't help him grieve any faster.

4. Ask the griever what you can do to help. Try not to get frustrated if he doesn't know what he needs.

5. Offer suggestions of what you could do to help. For example, does the griever need more space, does he want you to be around more, are there tasks or errands he needs done?

6. Show affection such as hugs or hand-holding if the griever seems receptive. If he seems uninterested in sex or affection, try not to get irritated - this will pass with time.

7. Encourage the griever to join a grief support group. He can call his doctor for a referral or look in the community service section of the yellow pages for grief support services.

8. Urge the griever to get professional help if he's so depressed that he's unable to function day to day. Assist him in setting up an appointment with his doctor to discuss counseling or possible medication that may be helpful.

Tips & Warnings

• Grief can last from weeks to months and longer. There is no correct amount of time to grieve a loss.
• Be sensitive to significant dates such as birthdays, holidays and the anniversary of the death or loss that may be especially difficult for the griever in the future.

[lmw1]

on 4/9/2009 Just for humor, watch the "lettuce" clip on www.hulu.com from Saturday Night Live (SNL) :)

[CCB44]

on 10/23/2007 "I know how it is." is what I have said. Why? Because I do know how it is to lose someone. Several times over. I don't know how a person feels. I just know how the situation is. That make sense? It usually does to the person I say it to..

[PaulRieker]

on 10/11/2006 Grief can be BRIEF
http://www.blessyourthoughts.com/truelyblessyourthoughts.htm

on 6/30/2006 Do nice things for them. Take them out for ice cream unexpectedly, or just call to tell them you love them.

on 11/22/2005 The griever can appreciate your sympathy, and it opens the door if he or she wants to talk about the death (or the divorce, or the miscarriage, or the job loss). If you avoid the subject, the griever isn't going to forget the abrupt change that has happened. In fact, your efforts to avoid the subject may be just plain annoying. It's not a good time to share your scientific research on survival statistics for brain tumors, marriages, babies, or jobs. It's never "for the best," and maybe you know the change is God-driven, but leave that to God and the griever to discover together. There is no right way to express grief. Just show your respect and let the griever call the shots.