Things You'll Need:
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Step 1
Ask yourself why you want to stop being controlling. Write down in a journal how being controlling is a problem in your life.
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Step 2
Increase your awareness of when you are controlling. Whenever you find yourself acting this way, note it in your journal and write down what the situation was, what you were thinking and feeling, what you said or did that was controlling, and the effect it had on others. Do this for a few weeks.
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Step 3
Read over your self-observations, thinking about why you are controlling. What does this behavior do for you?
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Step 4
Notice if there are any patterns that can show you why you act this way. Are there attitudes, expectations or beliefs you have about how others should be, how life should be, and so forth? Write them down.
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Step 5
Decide if you are willing to challenge these underlying attitudes that fuel your need to control.
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Step 6
Think of an alternative attitude or perspective you could take when you get the impulse to control. (This will often be the opposite of what you came up with in step 4.) Examples might be: "I can trust others to do things," "There are more ways than my way," "Connecting with others is more important than controlling others."
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Step 7
Think about alternative ways you could act if you took on these new perspectives. For example, you might be silent, listen or let others do it their way.
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Step 8
Write down these new perspectives and behaviors and place them where you will see them regularly - for example, on your car dashboard, mirror, computer screen or refrigerator.
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Step 9
Try to catch yourself anytime you find yourself being controlling and stop yourself as soon as you can. Remind yourself of the alternative attitude and try to practice the alternative behavior.
Comments
lilb1211 said
on 1/30/2010 I have lost my boyfriend i love to death.. i always yell to get my way and if i dont want him going somewhere i will show up at his house and stay there so he wont go...i take his phone im really controlling if i think hes cheating i go drive all around looking for his car to catch him and he never does anything but now i have made him so unattracted to me he wants someone else how do i control my control issue its the only thing i want to control in my life...
sah33 said
on 12/29/2009 katiedubuck, i am the same way. not married... but i am the reason why. i get so controlling and jealous. i am always looking for negative and dont see the positive. i control everything but myself apparently. i don't know how to stop. but now i'm all alone and in love with a man who won't put up with my controlling personality. :(
katiedubuck said
on 12/22/2009 I am so sad right now. My husband and I have been having so man problems and they seriously almost all stem from my jealousy and CONTROL. I am so controlling over him, it's crazy. I try to be his "Holy Spirit" in every situation. We are both Christians, and I believe that God gave him to me to share life with. I love him so much, but I am putting him through MISERY! I want to stop so bad. I need some advice, or someone to talk to that deals with the same issue! Maybe we can help each other - - - I am constantly trying to catch him in a lie or doing something wrong. I am always wrong too! I NEED HELP ASAP!
lukefield said
on 7/29/2009 I control
I create situations to prove I am not controlling. These are just as contrived and controlled as the rest of my life. Im so scared of the future I try and make it all certain by controlling myself. I try to be Jesus Christ when really I just need to be a child and do what the hell I want. But at the moment doing what I want is in an effort to not be controlled, so is controlled... IM STUCK HERE... what do i do, please help....
liljeets said
on 4/23/2009 I'm a controlling wife who is trying to change my ways, Because it's effecting my marriage and my mental health. I realized that my controlling ways comes from being hurt.I also have insecurities. The conclusion to all of it ALL IS That if I have to control my husband, we should not be together,Because love don't come with instruction.