Things You'll Need:
-
Step 1
Ask yourself why you want to stop being controlling. Write down in a journal how being controlling is a problem in your life.
-
Step 2
Increase your awareness of when you are controlling. Whenever you find yourself acting this way, note it in your journal and write down what the situation was, what you were thinking and feeling, what you said or did that was controlling, and the effect it had on others. Do this for a few weeks.
-
Step 3
Read over your self-observations, thinking about why you are controlling. What does this behavior do for you?
-
Step 4
Notice if there are any patterns that can show you why you act this way. Are there attitudes, expectations or beliefs you have about how others should be, how life should be, and so forth? Write them down.
-
Step 5
Decide if you are willing to challenge these underlying attitudes that fuel your need to control.
-
Step 6
Think of an alternative attitude or perspective you could take when you get the impulse to control. (This will often be the opposite of what you came up with in step 4.) Examples might be: "I can trust others to do things," "There are more ways than my way," "Connecting with others is more important than controlling others."
-
Step 7
Think about alternative ways you could act if you took on these new perspectives. For example, you might be silent, listen or let others do it their way.
-
Step 8
Write down these new perspectives and behaviors and place them where you will see them regularly - for example, on your car dashboard, mirror, computer screen or refrigerator.
-
Step 9
Try to catch yourself anytime you find yourself being controlling and stop yourself as soon as you can. Remind yourself of the alternative attitude and try to practice the alternative behavior.
Comments
lukefield said
on 7/29/2009 I control
I create situations to prove I am not controlling. These are just as contrived and controlled as the rest of my life. Im so scared of the future I try and make it all certain by controlling myself. I try to be Jesus Christ when really I just need to be a child and do what the hell I want. But at the moment doing what I want is in an effort to not be controlled, so is controlled... IM STUCK HERE... what do i do, please help....
liljeets said
on 4/23/2009 I'm a controlling wife who is trying to change my ways, Because it's effecting my marriage and my mental health. I realized that my controlling ways comes from being hurt.I also have insecurities. The conclusion to all of it ALL IS That if I have to control my husband, we should not be together,Because love don't come with instruction.
eastcoasttravel said
on 2/25/2009 This article assumes that you know or agree you are controlling. How do you determine IF you are controlling when the source of the feedback is a single person? How do you determine if it is this other person's perception that is askew or if other people are not being honest in informing you about being controlling?
SGTJC said
on 1/7/2009 My wife and I are having problems right now and i think the maion reason is because im too controlling, she says it is a major problem in our marraige and now we are on the verg of divorce. It is hard to prove that i want to change because i am in Iraq right now. How can I stop being so controlling and show her that i want to build the trust in our relationship again and for me to not be so controlling. Any comments will help, I am extremely desperate. PLEASE HELP ME
orangesrt4 said
on 11/4/2008 i was told by my wife that i am a controlling person. we are having relationship problems. i realize i am a controlling person and what it is thatido to make hre feel that way. I hope its something i can change and that we can still save our marriage. i love her so much.