How to Stop Being Controlling

Being controlling can be changed with persistence and patience. Others will greatly appreciate your effort!

Difficulty:

Moderate

Instructions

Things You'll Need

• Journals

1. Ask yourself why you want to stop being controlling. Write down in a journal how being controlling is a problem in your life.

2. Increase your awareness of when you are controlling. Whenever you find yourself acting this way, note it in your journal and write down what the situation was, what you were thinking and feeling, what you said or did that was controlling, and the effect it had on others. Do this for a few weeks.

3. Read over your self-observations, thinking about why you are controlling. What does this behavior do for you?

4. Notice if there are any patterns that can show you why you act this way. Are there attitudes, expectations or beliefs you have about how others should be, how life should be, and so forth? Write them down.

5. Decide if you are willing to challenge these underlying attitudes that fuel your need to control.

6. Think of an alternative attitude or perspective you could take when you get the impulse to control. (This will often be the opposite of what you came up with in step 4.) Examples might be: "I can trust others to do things," "There are more ways than my way," "Connecting with others is more important than controlling others."

7. Think about alternative ways you could act if you took on these new perspectives. For example, you might be silent, listen or let others do it their way.

8. Write down these new perspectives and behaviors and place them where you will see them regularly - for example, on your car dashboard, mirror, computer screen or refrigerator.

9. Try to catch yourself anytime you find yourself being controlling and stop yourself as soon as you can. Remind yourself of the alternative attitude and try to practice the alternative behavior.

Tips & Warnings

• It takes time to change ingrained patterns of thinking, feeling and acting. Be patient but persistent.

• Get support from others. Let them know you are working on this and tell them what they can do to help.