How to Be a Pallbearer

Being a pallbearer is a weighty responsibility. Practice an upbeat attitude while maintaining the respectful stoicism that funerals require. Remember that you are a representative of the family of the deceased, so act accordingly.

Difficulty: Moderately Easy

Instructions

Things You'll Need:

• Black Dresses
• Dark Men's Suits
• Flower Bouquets
• Green Tea

1. Dress in a simple black suit or dress. The more conservative, the better. Avoid colorful, brash outfits at all costs.

2. Follow the directions of the pastor, preacher or funeral director. Make sure you know exactly what your duties entail before the fact. Remain quiet and still until asked to perform your duties.

3. Mingle with the funeral attendees. Thank them for coming, and express your own condolences to the family, friends and loved ones of the deceased.

4. Take long, deep breaths to steady yourself. Go outside and practice a meditation exercise prior to the casket carrying, if necessary.

5. Walk slowly and steadily, making sure to gauge the tempo of the other pallbearers as you carry the casket.

Tips & Warnings

• Sip a soothing ginger or peppermint tea prior to the funeral to soothe your body and soul.
• Send a bouquet of flowers to the family, to arrive at the funeral parlor prior to the service. Include a personalized sympathy card.

[Kasius]

on 3/26/2008 I am bearing for my brother Paul. I am nervous Your comments have helped, thankyou

on 9/19/2006 I was one, along with 5 of my female cousins. It was our Uncles last request and when our Aunt called us we all said yes. He is the only man I have ever known to have 6 females pallbearers.

It was a honor to know that we meant that much to him. He was a special Uncle to us all, like a second father. His daughter had passed away only a few hours after birth, so in some ways I guess we were his little girls on earth, we were the last to see him here on earth, and I am sure she was the first to meet him in heaven with Jesus.

on 8/18/2006 If you are a little lacking in physical strength, try to align yourself so your stronger arm is doing the work. If you have biceps to spare, go left handed (or right as the case may be) to help balance things out.

on 2/25/2006 I've borne the pall nearly a dozen times. It matters. The family has chosen you because
1) your relationship to the family/ deceased is important
2) you hold a particular role (all the grandsons, for example)
3) the deceased, especially the elderly, may not have known six people who are in sufficient health to perform this duty, so the extended family relies upon you.

Now, that's the seriousness of the role. The difficulty is actually quite easy. When the burial was a mile or two away from the country church, without a hearse, the pallbearers had a very hard task. Now, though, the task is essentially six (usually men) whose jobs it is to lift the cart over thresholds and carry the pall just a few feet. If you haven't done it before, just keep an eye on the other pallbearers. Chances are some of them are, sadly, old pros.

on 11/22/2005 The big thing is to listen. The funeral directors will tell you what to do. It is NOT hard at all.