How to Deal With Toddler Meltdowns
The infamous toddler meltdown, sometimes called a temper tantrum, starts with a high-pitched squeal, flopping on the floor, then climaxes with screaming, crying and flailing. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, meltdowns are a natural part of your toddler's development, beginning around 18 months and gradually decreasing after 3 years old. Despite being a normal occurrence, your response to a toddler meltdown affects the severity and frequency of these frustrating and embarrassing events.
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Instructions
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Remove delicate or dangerous items that invoke frustration in toddlers younger than 18 months old. Removing the frustrating stimulus lets your toddler refocus his energy elsewhere. Avoid replacing the tempting object with a brand new toy or treat because this encourages your toddler to equate melting down with presents. Instead, redirect his behavior to a picture, a stuffed animal or the family pet.
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Remove your child from the situation. Changing the environment refocuses your child's energy and allows him to calm down. For example, when your tot melts down in a restaurant, take him outside to the car to calm him down. Always choose a unexciting location so that you don't reinforce his behavior. For example, don't carry your screaming toddler from the restaurant across the parking lot to get ice cream.
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Stand within 25 feet of your toddler but don't speak until he calms down. Trying to reason with a flailing 2-year-old is pointless and physically restraining him will only increase the severity of his outburst. Don't look at your toddler and avoid huffing, sighing or rolling your eyes in his direction. Your calm presence tells him that he's safe, but that his behavior is ineffective. This tactic is best for toddlers under 2 1/2 years old, who are still learning appropriate social behavior.
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Place your older toddler, over 2 1/2 years old, in the calming corner or room. The calming corner is a variation of time-out that prevents older toddlers from hurting themselves or others while melting down. Remove any toys, books or entertainment besides a few large pillows or some soft furniture. Explain that he must remain in the calming corner until he's ready to stop screaming. Peek in on him every three minutes to make sure he's safe, but don't speak or attempt to console him until he calms down.
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Discuss appropriate alternatives to meltdowns after your child stops screaming. For example, say, "I understand that you were very frustrated and upset, but it's not okay to scream. Next time, you need to use your words to tell me why you're upset or angry."
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Tips & Warnings
Pay attention to your child's needs and plan accordingly to prevent meltdowns before they start. Being hungry, tired or thirsty sets your toddler up for failure from the beginning.
The goal isn't to force your child to change his behavior, but to enable him to change his own behavior. Helping him stop melting down means providing consistent consequences, a safe, calm space and eliminating reinforcements such as treats, toys or affection.
Avoid hovering, asking what's wrong or trying to console your toddler during a meltdown. Any attention your toddler receives during a meltdown reinforces negative behavior.
Be consistent. Placing your child in the calming corner during one meltdown and appeasing him with candy during the next is confusing and tells your tot that tantrums work.
Remain calm when dealing with meltdowns by speaking softly but firmly. Appearing frustrated, angry or desperate when your toddler has a tantrum only illustrates that you've lost control.
Don't punish your child for having meltdowns by screaming, spanking or threatening. This will only make the tantrums worse and more intense.
Never lock a child in a room.
Aggressive behaviors, such as throwing, biting, kicking and hitting are never acceptable, even during a meltdown. Speak with your pediatrician if your toddler displays these behaviors.
References
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