How to Help a Child With Anger & Impatience

By setting a positive example, you can raise an emotionally healthy child.

One of the most important jobs of a caretaker is to teach children how to handle their feelings properly, particularly negative ones. Often, the key to helping a child deal with these emotions is creating an environment where the child understands that his feelings, both positive and negative, are a normal and completely valid part of life. If you notice your child having difficulty with impatience and anger, take steps to teach him how to cope in a healthy way.

Instructions

1. Talk with your child frequently about emotions. Observe out loud when the child himself or another person appears to be expressing a strong emotion. For example, you might say, “That man looks angry,” if someone on television or in a public place appears to be having an argument with someone else, or, “You seem upset about what just happened,” if the child is unhappy that something didn’t go his way. Doing this regularly helps the child learn to put labels on different feelings and become more emotionally aware.

2. Encourage the child to be open with you about his feelings, both positive and negative. Let him know that you understand how he’s feeling and why, then encourage him let out his feelings in a way that won’t hurt anyone, such as by drawing a picture. If the feelings are the result of a specific problem, work with the child to come up with an appropriate solution. This teaches him that he has control over his situation and his anger can lead to a constructive resolution of the problem if it is dealt with rationally.

3. Lead by example. If the adults in a child’s life demonstrate that impatience, anger and stress can be coped with in a calm and positive way, the child is likely to emulate this behavior. Let the child know when you’re feeling impatient or upset and explain why, then show him how you deal with it, whether it’s by taking deep breaths or distracting yourself by reading or playing a game.

4. Reward the child for being patient. If the child is waiting patiently for his turn in a game, for example, acknowledge it and give positive reinforcement. On the other hand, if the child is throwing a tantrum due to impatience, explain to him calmly and firmly that he cannot always get what he wants right away. If what he wants is something material, such as a toy, consider telling him that he can have it when he saves enough money from his allowance to buy it himself. Turn the saving into a fun activity by helping him keep track of his progress on a chart until he has enough money to buy the toy; this shows him that being patient eventually pays off.

References

• Supernanny.co.uk: Dealing with a Very Angry Child
• UPMC: Teaching Children Patience in an Impatient World
• KidsHealth: Helping Kids Cope with Stress