How to Accept an Apology From a Relative

Healing cannot begin until you accept your relative's apology.

Forgiveness comes in many forms when you are being asked to accept an apology. If a casual acquaintance slights you, it might be easier to accept a quick “Sorry” in passing than it would be from a relative. We typically expect unconditional love from relatives, which leads us to feel freer in holding grudges or not accepting apologies from them. Because we expect more from our loved ones, when they offend us the pain can be more intense and personal.

Instructions

1. Consider how serious the reason for the apology is. There is a spectrum of insults that require an apology. If your sister borrowed one of your blouses without asking, but has returned it clean and pressed, that’s likely a minor inconvenience for which you can accept her apology easily. However, if she stole money or a boyfriend from you and is trying to make amends, you might find her apology more difficult to accept.

2. Evaluate how sincere the apology is. If someone has seriously infringed on your rights, property or dignity, but that person shows remorse, you may find it easier to accept such an apology than if he or she nonchalantly tossed a “Sorry” your way.

3. Discuss what you are feeling with your relative. In light of a remorseless apology, talk to your relative, explaining to him why you were hurt and his direct connection to that pain. It is possible that he has misjudged how serious the offense was and needs to be shown. Even if your relative is sincere, you might still struggle with accepting the apology. Work toward acceptance by talking about how you are feeling.

4. Communicate your expectations to avoid being in this situation again. It’s difficult to accept an apology if the offense is constantly repeated. Some people work under the assumption that apologizing later is better than asking for permission first. Define your expectations, making sure the other party understands that an apology can be accepted only if it is sincere. Establish the understanding that accepting the apology does not condone the behavior.

References

• EmotionalCompetency.com: Apology
• A Guide to Psychology and Its Practice: Forgiveness
• Psych-it: Forgiveness