How to Deal With a Clingy Partner in a Relationship

Clingy partners are motivated out of fear that your actions alone cannot assuage.

It is only natural to want to spend time with your significant other when you are in a relationship. Generally lovers take first place in your priorities because of the emotional connection you share. However, if you find that your partner constantly needs more and more from you this adds pressure to the relationship that can often fracture it. This clingy behavior has more to do with the other person than with you, therefore it is up to them to change. The first thing you need to decide is if it is worth investing your time into trying to sustain your bond.

Instructions

1. Talk to your significant other to express your concerns when behavior crosses the line of your personal comfort zone. This includes excessive calling or demands to know where you are if you are not with him. If you have done nothing to tarnish his trust, then his inability to trust you is something your actions and his control will not ultimately fix.

2. Set boundaries. Though romantic movies and books may not always set the standard, boundaries are healthy parts of relationships that demonstrate respect for others and for self. If your partner needs more of you to fix what is wrong with her, this crosses over into unhealthy, co-dependent behavior.

3. Don't play the game. Encourage your partner to have a life separate from you. Whether friends or a career, there has to be something in your partner's life to give him something to make him a complete person without your being the crutch for his ego or self-esteem.

4. Learn the red flags of controlling behavior. Excessively clingy people fear abandonment, loss or betrayal so much they may try to carefully orchestrate your behavior to assuage their fears. This will unnecessarily shift the balance of power in the relationship from both people to only one, which is a recipe for unhappiness on both parts.

5. Decide if the relationship is worth your emotional investment should your partner not change. Truth is you have little power over fixing her fears and insecurities, no matter how much you reassure her. This is something she will need to fix. For a healthy relationship, she should recognize that change is needed and be willing to meet you halfway. If not, then decide what is best for you in the long run.

Tips & Warnings

• If this is a relationship you wish to maintain, then work toward a healthier connection. Don't be afraid to seek out couples therapy to help learn the skills needed to find balance once again with your partner.

References

• EHarmony: Clingy Behavior You Need to Fix Now
• Professor's House: The Signs of a Controlling Relationship
• Fazed: My Girlfriend is Too Clingy
• LifeScript: Q&A - Help! My Boyfriend is Too Clingy