How to Get a Toddler to Stop Pinching
Pinching, often a frustrating experience for your child as well as you as the parent or caregiver, is a sign that your child is experimenting with various ways to express herself. In fact, pinching is your child’s way of getting something she wants, but is unable to find the words to say it. What can make the behavior even more upsetting is that it is unlikely to change overnight. Fortunately, strategies that be implemented to help identify, discourage, and eventually “squeeze out” this negative behavior altogether.
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Instructions
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Recognize the circumstances under when the pinching occurs. How does your child interact with other children? Does your child want to express something with words she is unable to verbalize? Is your child feeling uncomfortable? Is your child upset that someone took something from her? Once you correctly label the circumstances, you know when the pinching may take place. Record the circumstances in a notebook for reference.
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Identify what happens when your child acts out by pinching. Does she get what she wants? How does she make the other child(ren) feel when she pinches them? Once you correctly label the reward, you know what needs to be eliminated to diminish the pinching. (This reward may be tangible, like a toy or intangible, such as a friend’s attention.) Record the reward in a notebook for reference.
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Choose a consequence you and other caregivers can consistently use to deal with the pinching. This sets an expectation for the child that, each time he engages in this behavior, he knows what to anticipate as a result. Stating “no” is a good start, but needs to be reinforced with additional actions, such as a time out. Brainstorm and record possible consequences in a notebook for discussion and evaluation with all involved caregivers.
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Carefully watch your child for the circumstances that cause her to act out. Provide a diversion when you detect a stressful situation. For example, if your child pinches when she wants a doll another child is already playing with, intervene and offer an alternative doll or stuffed animal. Or, model appropriate behavior by demonstrating how she can properly ask to play with the doll. She will quickly become aware that you are there to help her work through her frustration.
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Correct your child when he pinches. Begin by taking the reward he attained by pinching and stating (in a firm but calm voice) that pinching is an unacceptable behavior. An explanation of why it is inappropriate to pinch is also important. Children often pinch simply as an attempt to get what they want, and they're angry -- not because they realize it causes a friend pain. This brief explanation should be done in a quiet time, to remove your child from the situation and give him a moment to calm himself. Explain that he is not allowed to return to the other child(ren) until he is calm. Teaching him to inhale deeply, and exhale together with you assists with this step.
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Tips & Warnings
As a parent or caregiver, you should expect to implement a consequence several times before the child understands the connection.
References
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