How to Help Your Teenage Daughter Deal With Catty Girls
In the 2004 movie "Mean Girls," a group of popular girls created a catty "burn book" in which to make snide, disparaging and even untrue statements about their fellow class mates. Oddly, despite their cruel behavior, they remained attractive role models to all the other girls in school, who wanted so badly to be included in the clique. Unlike the violence and intimidation boys exhibit, this catty behavior is how girls bully other girls. It is so insidious that even popular girls can get away with it, as it is chalked up to typical girl behavior by kids and adults alike. To minimize the damage, you must reinforce your daughter's self-esteem so your daughter can brave the rocky terrain of the "girl world."
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Instructions
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Take the situation seriously. This is not merely how girls treat other girls; it's abusive and can have a lasting emotional impact on your daughter by undermining her self-esteem. To her, in this moment, it is a hurtful, confusing problem to which there is no escape.
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Teach your daughter that catty behavior is unacceptable and not something a friend would do to another friend. Because this behavior is hurtful, anyone who behaves this way willfully and continually isn't a friend at all.
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Remind your daughter, often, that she shouldn't take the behavior personally even though it is directed at her. Catty girls behave in this way because of their issues, not hers. Your daughter is just a convenient outward target for their inner flaws. Help her see the words are just words and that she alone can determine who she is.
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Suggest that your daughter disengage from and avoid the catty group altogether. Cliques are double-edged swords. Those who gossip or spread rumors about others will likely gossip or spread rumors about her as well. Encourage your daughter to establish friendships with other girls who demonstrate better behavior.
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Teach your daughter to never let the catty girls see her pain or weaknesses. Bullies seek out targets who will respond to their tactics and give them an emotional payoff. Robbing bullies of a target helps them move on to someone else. The more confident and secure your daughter appears, the less attractive she will be to those who would bully her.
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Sympathize with her pain as she deals with the hurtful barbs from the catty girls, but teach her that stooping to their level to retaliate hurts her more than them. Use this opportunity to teach your daughter empathy. Once she sees that the catty girls' behavior might be based on low self-esteem or unhappy personal backgrounds, your daughter can fight fire with water. Help her replace feelings of pain, fear or anger with pity.
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Encourage your daughter to talk to you or another trusted resource if the catty behavior escalates. Watch her online behavior, and monitor her cell phone so that you can see if the cattiness is being replaced by more aggressive behavior, such as anonymous threats online.
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Tips & Warnings
In high school, your daughter's friends can seem like the center of her world. Encourage your daughter to pursue other activities that have nothing to do with the mean girls but instead help her focus on her own accomplishments to build her self-esteem.
Involve school personnel if the catty behavior becomes so problematic your daughter no longer feels welcome or safe at school. Ensure that the educators implement a plan of action, and hold them to whatever program they offer to rectify the situation.
If physical violence is threatened, involve the authorities.
References
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