How to Deal With People Who Insult You Verbally at Work

Coworkers may insult you to try to make themselves look better.

Waking up each day knowing that you are about to get insulted at work regardless of what you do or say is difficult. Most days, you probably just want to stay in bed. Dealing with the person who is verbally insulting you at work does more good than avoiding the person in the long run. By addressing the issue, you and the person who is insulting you can work together to solve the problem and become more productive at work.

Instructions

1. Remove yourself from the situation in the heat of an insult. You don't have to stand there and listen while people insult you or try to hurt you. Although walking away from the situation as a whole won't help matters overall, walking away from a single insulting incident will. By walking away, you stand up for yourself and show the insulting coworker that you refuse to be mistreated, then can address the larger situation when things have cooled off.

2. Stay calm, and react positively. Getting angry and insulting your coworker back is what he wants. Refusing to get involved in the dispute, though, will eventually calm him down and force him to think rationally. Ask your coworker questions like, "Why do you think my work is worthless?" This will encourage him to stop reacting emotionally and begin reacting logically.

3. Confront the coworker. Ask the coworker to meet you at a time when neither of you are angry. Talk to the coworker about how you have felt insulted by her comments and actions. Explain specific instances in which you felt insulted and ask your coworker to explain why she said what she did. Perhaps she felt insulted by your actions or was upset herself and did not realize she was being insulting to you. Listen respectfully to her explanations if she gives them.

4. Work out a plan to prevent the insults from occurring again. For example, agree to only discuss projects when neither of you are angry. Meet again a few weeks later to gauge how both people are enacting and liking the plan. Discuss any further incidents in which you felt insulted.

5. Discuss the issue with human resources or management. If the insulting behavior does not abate, schedule an appointment with your manager or human resources agent to discuss the problem. Frame the problem in terms of productivity, not your feelings, and be prepared to address specific incidents when your coworker insulted you.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep track of what your coworker says to you, when she says it, and what you do. This log will help you in a meeting with management about the issue. It can also help you remember what you want to say when meeting with the coworker who insulted you.

References

• Psychology Today: Dealing with Difficult People
• Zen Tactics: Building Self-Confidence