How to Get Toddlers to Stop Clinging

Your toddler will eventually become independent and stop clinging.

Between the ages of eight months and one year, children often develop clingy behavior that can last until they are three years old. They cry when their parents leave and don’t want to be out of their sight. This causes problems when trying to leave the child with a sitter or dropping him off at preschool or daycare. This behavior is called separation anxiety. While it can be difficult to handle, it is a normal experience for toddlers. Children often outgrow separation anxiety with time.

Instructions

1. Create morning and bedtime rituals that make the child feel safe. Pay special attention to him when it is time for you to separate. Shower him with hugs and kisses.

2. Read your toddler books in which the main character is going to school for the first time or embarking on exciting adventures alone. Help him see himself being just as brave as the character in the book.

3. Play games like peekaboo when things are calm. Your child will start to understand that when you leave, you always come back.

4. Invite a new sitter to your house a few times so your toddler can get use to that person.

5. Leave your toddler with the sitter for a few minutes at a time and gradually increase the time you stay away.

6. Visit a new daycare or preschool before the first day to allow your toddler to become familiar with the surroundings and teachers.

7. Tell your child when you will return in terms of things he can understand. He won’t understand if you name a specific time. Tell him you will return after dinner or after his favorite show ends.

8. Encourage your child. Tell him you trust he can handle the separation and explain that occasionally being away from you is a sign of growing up.

9. Leave your child an item that comforts him while you are gone. This may be a recording of you reading his favorite story, a family photo album, or his favorite bear or blanket.

10. Avoid becoming angry with the child who cries when you leave. Comfort him briefly, but let him know you still have to go.

11. Don’t leave without saying goodbye as this may cause the child more trauma. Firmly say goodbye and avoid returning within a few minutes to check on him. Doing so only prolongs the goodbyes.

12. Wait 15 to 20 minutes to call to check on the toddler if he was particularly upset when you left.

13. Return at the time you promised so your child will begin to trust you. If you’re late, he may make more of a fuss when you have to leave again.

14. Seek the advice of your pediatrician if your toddler’s separation anxiety seems particularly severe or lasts far beyond age three.

References

• Kids Health: Separation Anxiety
• Northern County Psychiatric Associates: Anxiety Disorders in Children and Adults
• Parents: Static Cling: Separation Anxiety