How to Motivate a Grown Son to Work

An unmotivated son may be attributed to too-lenient parenting.

With a worsening economy, adult children are often living at home with their parents after college. Because of the comfort and freedom that home provides, adult children may lack the motivation to find work. As a parent, you can help motivate your son into getting a job and even move out of the house. This may require "tough love" or even an ultimatum to get him up and working for himself.

Instructions

1. If your adult son is freeloading, sit down and talk with him. Be sensitive, yet direct. Tell him that you love him, but can't take care of him for much longer. After all, you will want to start saving for your retirement years.

2. Ask your son about his passions, as well as his likes and dislikes. Help him find a profession that aligns with his particular passions. Explain to him that he must find a part-time job of sorts in order to afford an education.

3. Do not fight with your son. If you son reacts angrily or violently to the news, do not feed the monster by yelling back, as it only reinforces his own yelling and behavior. Stay calm and cool-headed. Let him take a breather and talk to him again when he's relaxed and can think clearly.

4. Give a deadline for move-out. Give your son an outline of what changes will occur before then. For example, you can give your son a year to pursue job options or finish schooling before he needs to find a place on his own. Make sure your son realizes you love him and support him as he moves out.

References

• Achieve Solutions; When an Adult Child Won't Grow Up; January 2011
• Empowering Parents; Motivating the Unmotivated Child; James Lehman
• TroubledWith; Parents and Adult Children; James C. Dobson