How to Deal With Children Not Sharing in a Blended Family

Sharing is an important part of being in a functional family.

Fifty percent of children under the age 13 live in a blended family, according to the U.S. Census in 2000. Sharing is an important component of establishing core family values, especially during challenging readjustment times. Sharing with new siblings is particularly challenging for children who haven't experienced a sibling relationship. But a few rules can help you establish the core values that are important in a functional blended family and turn your greedy child into a considerate and productive member of the family.

Instructions

1. Hold out your hand to the child and assertively tell her to give you the item, rather than snagging it from her hands. She will likely comply if you ask her. Taking the item from her with force teaches her to do the same. Be consistent with the way you handle your biological child and step-child.

2. Tell the child that more than one person wants the item and that is a problem because both can't have it. Let the children resolve the problem by themselves. Only step in if the conflict becomes too aggressive. This method will help the child to work out his own problems.

3. Distract the child by offering her something different if they still can't resolve the conflict. For example, if she has another toy to play with, she might switch from the toy with which she is currently playing.

4. Show the child how to share at a time when he isn't in conflict with his new sibling. For example, offer him half your sandwich. He might then be prompted to share an item because children learn by example. Share some of the sandwich with all the children in the blended family to show that the group is now one family unit and everyone needs to be treated equally.

5. Let your child also learn from other children how to share. You don't want to create a consistent source of tension with the child by frequently arguing with her about sharing. Instead, through the input from other children, she will learn that she needs to share to be a good friend. Let her know that she might learn from her new brother or sister and your daughter might have something to teach them.

Tips & Warnings

• Tell the child to have a secret place to put her favorite items. These will be her personal belongings that she doesn't have to share. A personal item from the past can help her cope with adjusting to her new family.

References

• IVillage; Sharing, 14 Ways to Get Your Child to Play Fair; Cathryn Tobin; January 2003
• Baby Center: How Can I Teach My Toddler to Share
• HelpGuide.org: Guide to Step-Parenting and Blended Families
• NetPlaces.com; Data on Stepparents; Erin Munroe, et al