How to Make Things Better if You & Your Mom Have a Really Bad Relationship
You and your mom can have a bad relationship for many reasons, such as problems in the past, disagreements over choices and lifestyle and just generally not getting along. While you and your mom may never be best friends, you can patch up your relationship. Better relationships reduce stress and improve the quality of life for the both of you. Making things better between you and your mom may take multiple attempts, but it’s worth it.
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Instructions
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Understand where your mother's coming from. Learn why she, for example, doesn’t want you to date until you’re 16. Perhaps she had a rough time dating in high school, understands the sadness and frustrations that come with it and wants you to hold off until she thinks you’re emotionally ready. Understanding her reasoning, while it may not make you agree with her, helps you see that her rules and opinions aren’t just arbitrary.
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Recognize how you’re making the relationship bad. It’s easy to pin all the blame on your mother, but you might be contributing to the problems the two of you have together. Recognize areas where you could improve and how your attitude and actions contribute to the problem, rather than help it.
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Discuss the issues between the two of you. Discuss your feelings toward each other, calmly and rationally. Try to understand why you’re not seeing eye to eye.
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Avoid yelling or acting out. Talk to your mother. Stay seated in each of your chairs and don’t raise your voice. Taking the emotion out of the argument defuses some of the tension, and helps the two of you work toward a rational solution.
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Spend some time together doing activities you both enjoy. Find common ground, but also make an effort to take an interest in her interests, and urge her to take an interest in yours too.
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Give each other space. While it’s good to spend time together, don’t crowd each other. Discuss your preferred level of communication. Maybe you’re perfectly happy with a phone call every other day, but don’t wish to receive five emails a day from your mom. Compromise to keep everyone happy.
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Understand you don’t have to agree on everything. You and your mom may have different viewpoints. She could be a staunch Republican, while you are a fervent Democrat. Accept that you and her are different, and if discussing, for example, politics causes intense arguments, then switch your conversation to other topics.
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Seek outside help, such as a family counselor. A professional may be able to pinpoint the problems in your relationship and how you can improve them.
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Understand you may never be close friends. While you may desire a close relationship with your mom, it might never happen. However, you can learn to be amicable toward each other.
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