How to Help Kids Deal With College Rejection

Rejection has nothing to do with a person's innate value.

High school seniors that want to attend college must go through the ritual of sending out college applications, which might be rejected if there is simply not enough space in classrooms for all the worthy applicants. Help kids deal with college rejection by supporting them without internalizing the rejection as your own. Your teenager is transitioning into adulthood, and rejection is a normal part of being a grown-up. Teach your child to process rejection in a healthy manner, without letting it affect his sense of self-worth.

Instructions

1. Control your immediate response to the news of your teen's college rejection. Relax your facial muscles, take an open stance, and focus on allowing your child to have the first response.

2. Pay attention to the cues your teen gives, so you can respond appropriately. If she is nonchalant and optimistic about the news, simply agree that there are plenty of other colleges out there. If she is devastated, then try to offer her support without shaming her for taking the rejection to heart.

3. Express your sympathy in a sincere yet mild manner. Phrases such as, "I know this must be hard for you," or, "I'm sorry this didn't work out how you planned," let your child know that you empathize but realize that the loss is his own.

4. Ask your teen what self-soothing steps he plans to take to deal with the recent rejection. Say something like, "I know you are feeling bad about the letter you just got, can you think of anything that will make you feel better?" Support his plan in practical ways, like paying for dinner at his favorite restaurant or running bath water so she can have a good soak.

5. Communicate that you are proud of your teen and make it clear that he has in no way failed you by not getting accepted to a certain college. Share one of your own rejection stories with your child, to let him know that you understand how it feels, and that life really does go on.

Tips & Warnings

• If your child asks for advice or wants to use you as a sounding board for alternative college options, make yourself available. The key is to wait until you are asked, so your teen realizes she has the lead on this one.

• You might feel as devastated as your child about the college rejection, but if you rant and rave about it, you'll only steal the moment from your child and make the situation worse.

References

• College Parents of America: College Acceptance - or Rejection - Letters: Ten Ways Parents Can Help Students Cope
• Today Parenting; How to Help Your Child Deal With Rejection; 2011
• College Confidential; Dealing With Rejection; Dave Berry