How to Get Over Being Dumped by Your First Girlfriend

Your first break-up may fill you with heart and self-doubt.

It is said that the first cut is the deepest, and the break-up of your first relationship is the hardest one of all. It is natural to feel grief, anger, shock and disappointment after being dumped by your first girlfriend, but you can take comfort in the fact that breaking up with a significant other is an experience shared by almost everyone. You will find love again, but it takes time and reflection to get yourself to a space from which a new relationship can take root and blossom.

Instructions

1. Allow yourself to experience every emotion that you are feeling. Bottling emotions up or denying that they exist will not make the emotions go away; rather, they will only make the emotions stronger and present repercussions down the road. Carrying emotional issues into a new relationship creates instability and mistrust, so cope with your emotions now, however painful they may be. Find healthy ways to channel these emotions, be it crying, writing, exercising or taking a long walk. For a healthy, low-mess way to vent your anger, throw ice cubes against an outdoor wall. The action of throwing the ice cube and watching it smash will release angry energy, and the ice cubes will melt and dissolve, leaving you with no clean-up.

2. Resist the urge to text or email your ex-girlfriend asking for answers or telling her the pain you are feeling. It is extremely unlikely that your girlfriend can give you the closure you need, and all you will do by constantly contacting her is create pain and ill-will towards each other. The same rules apply to your friends; do not ask friends to spy on her behavior or to press her for information on your behalf. Such actions aren't fair to you, your ex or your friends; you may cause long-term damage to your relationships if you make your friends choose sides. Avoid the spaces where your ex-girlfriend hangs out during breaks or her free time. If you share a class, keep your eyes focused on the board and the tasks at hand.

3. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. Finding a new girlfriend may seem like a good way to shield yourself from feeling pain, but trying to replace an ex-girlfriend only sets you up for more pain and disappointment. Take your newfound free time to focus on you and do the things that make you happy. Get together with friends for a game of basketball or a video game tournament; learn to play the guitar or spend a couple extra hours studying for school. While you should acknowledge your emotions, don't dwell and shut yourself off from the world around you.

References

• HelpGuide.org; Coping with a Breakup or Divorce; Jeanne Segal et. al.; November 2010
• University of California Riverside Counselling Center; Recovering From a Break-Up; Jennifer Heetderks
• Estes Therapy; How to Recover from a Breakup -- Steps to Get Off the Emotional Roller Coaster; Jennine Estes