How to Keep Co-Parenting From Interfering With Your New Marriage
Cooperative parents, or “co-parenting,” is a process by which two divorced individuals continue to raise their kids together. The individuals don't live under the same roof, so communication between the two parents is what makes this arrangement work. As a newly married person, you must find the balance between co-parenting and paying attention to your new marriage. Otherwise, you run the risk of making the relationship all about the kids or becoming completely uninvolved in the co-parenting process.
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Instructions
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Create a parenting plan that you both agree on. Write it down. This contract discusses all areas of parenting, such as rules at both houses, whether a punishment stands in both homes and how parents will schedule weekends and holidays.
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Allow your new spouse to be present at any meeting you have with your ex-spouse. Your spouse may not have any input when you're talking with your ex-spouse, but she or he will feel included and not as if you're spending special time with your ex-spouse.
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Acknowledge the presence of a new parent to your kids. For older kids, this might mean giving the teen permission to not call the new spouse “mom” or “dad.” For younger kids, this means explaining the term “step-” and identifying how the kid should address your new spouse.
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Give your new spouse authority when it comes to the kids. The kids must understand that when your spouse asks them to perform a chore or to drive home instead of a burger place, they must comply as if the command came from you. Be clear, though, that this doesn't give your new spouse control of the overall parenting plan.
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Focus on the marriage. Co-parenting can inadvertently shift your focus to the kids or the parenting plan. Remember to take time to focus on your new marriage. Go on dates, spend time alone, take marriage classes. Intentionally build a healthy marriage.
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