How to Help a Friend Who is Wallowing in Self Pity

Supportive friends can help stop the cycle of self-pity.

Wallowing in self pity can be a symptom of mild to serious depression. Supportive friends can help stop the cycle of self pity by being a positive presence for those close to them. Begin by listening to your friend without being judgmental. Have a positive attitude around your depressed friend and encourage her to participate in activities that take her mind off herself and her problems. Learn the signs and symptoms of serious to severe depression. If the depression and self pity worsen, encourage your friend to seek professional treatment.

Instructions

1. Listen to your friend and try to understand her condition and state of mind. Depression and self pity are often conditions over which a person has little control. If you have concerns, talk to your friend about them in a neutral and non-threatening way. A seriously depressed person can be difficult to deal with, but do not express irritation or annoyance if your friend does not respond to you right away. Have patience and continue to be positive and supportive.

2. Take care of yourself. Continue to be a presence in your friend's life, but be careful not to get overwhelmed by her self pity. Be yourself encourage your friend to talk and participate in activities with you. Don't ignore the depression and pretend it does not exist. Rather, be a good example and live your life as normal, while remaining available to your friend.

3. Learn the signs and symptoms of severe depression. Many people appear as if they are simply wallowing in self pity when they are actually in a deep, uncontrollable depressive cycle. Ask yourself if there is an actual reason why your friend appears depressed, or if she feels hopeless, worthless or sad for no apparent cause. While self pity and depression can be triggered by life events, many depressive episodes have no external cause.

4. Encourage your friend to seek treatment from a health professional if the depression appears severe, or if it persists for a long period of time. Medical intervention is often necessary in cases of severe depression. Talk to your mutual friends, or to your depressed friend's family members about intervening, if the condition worsens and the self pity persists.

References

• Mayo Clinic: Depression: Supporting a family member or friend
• HelpGuide.org: Helping a Loved One with Bipolar Disorder
• TeensHealth: My Friend is Talking About Suicide, What Should I Do?

Resources

• Familydoctor.org: Depression