How to Restore Trust in a Friendship

Restoring trust requires communication and faith.

Friendship is a wonderful blessing that can bring peace and joy to both parties involved. However, joy can turn into misery and peace into strife when the bond of friendship is broken by betrayal. Restoring trust in a friendship is not an easy task. In cases of extreme betrayal, it may be impossible to ever restore trust. But if you and your friend are willing to communicate and forgive, restoring trust in a friendship can be accomplished in time.

Instructions

Taking Responsibility

1. Take a moment to replay the events that led up to the betrayal. Get a clear understanding of your responsibility in the betrayal. This should help you to understand your role in the disagreement.

2. Write a letter to yourself explaining your actions. Include your motives and any relevant emotions involved in your decision to betray your friend.

3. Imagine the situation from your friend’s point of view. Put yourself into your friend’s position and pretend you are the victim instead of the perpetrator. This should give you perspective on the betrayal.

4. Write a letter to yourself from your friend’s perspective. Again, you are the victim and you are writing your thoughts and emotions toward the betrayal.

5. Take responsibility for the betrayal by accepting any wrongdoing on your part. Be ready to admit to your friend that you made a mistake.

Restoring Trust

1. Contact your friend and tell her that you would like to discuss the betrayal when she is ready. Let her know right away that you are ready to accept responsibility for your actions.

2. Express sincere regret concerning your actions. After taking responsibility, apologize for your role in the betrayal.

3. Listen to your friend if she has anything to say about the matter. Often, a good rant can be extremely therapeutic.

4. Offer retribution to your friend. Ask if there is anything you can do to restore goodwill and trust to the friendship. Be willing to work with your friend on repairing the damage done.

5. Seek third-party assistance, if necessary. Consult a guidance counselor, minister, parent or mutual friend for advice on how to move forward.

References

• Beyond Intractability; Trust and Trust Building; Roy J. Lewicki, et al.; December 2003
• Covenant Keepers: Re-establishing Trust in Your Relationship
• Life Script; How to Mend a Broken Friendship; Rose Alexander; April 2008
• Healthy Relationships; Four Steps to Restore Trust After Someone Has Been Hurt; Elizabeth Richardson; March 2011